#irunwithmaud
2.23 miles on the bike in honor of Ahmaud Arbery ✅
All of a sudden, it hit me…the symbolism of doing this on my bike…and it brought up a lot.
Yes, it’s no secret that I’ve wanted a Peloton since the second I’ve gotten to test drive one; yet, I could never justify the splurge when I had multiple gym memberships. That is, until I hit my breaking point. Exercise has been part of my daily routine for years, mostly for mental health benefits. Something felt off every time I missed a day.
But I had the gym. And I had the waterfront. That’s all I needed. Working out, especially jogging, kept me centered and happy. Not now, though. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get back to jogging on the waterfront. For one, it is very crowded and hard to social distance there. The second reason, as silly as it may seem, is that I had a nightmare.
In this dream, I was jogging on that same strip near the water. I could see the storefronts and the road. Out of the blue, someone began chasing after me to maliciously try and infect me by coughing on me and calling me racial slurs. I b***s*** you not.
It was disturbing and vivid, and I have not returned to that place by myself since I had that dream in March. As a matter of fact, I only went back probably once more at all, even though initially I hoped to frequent it daily because the gym was closed. The weather was getting nice, and I always looked forward to this time of year, when it was warm enough to run.
When the usual spot was no longer an option for me, I then tried to switch it up and jog on the sidewalk along the main road by my house. Then I heard on the news to be careful of people driving with their windows down, so I gave up on jogging entirely. Then, once they extended the stay-at-home orders, I got desperate and ordered the bike, which came three weeks later. (I was surprised that I made it a full month without working out, but I think the anticipation of the bike helped me through.)
Mind you, this all took place before they started protesting, toting their big guns in government buildings. Before they unapologetically started changing laws to convenience some at the peril of others. It was also before we started hearing reports about Black folks being harassed for wearing masks in public.
I’m not psychic. I’m surely not the only one who saw it coming. It’s like a scratched CD that skips…it just keeps happening with no end in sight. Maybe the dream was my subconscious processing the racist incidents targeting Asian Americans surrounding the pandemic. But this isn’t just a dream.
So, fun fact about my usual jogging place…several months ago while doing a long run, my phone started to die. I went to my car to look for a portable charger. It was in my bookbag and I had to dig a little. When I got one, I looked up and a woman was standing across the street, recording me with her cell phone. I did not know this woman, nor did I give her permission to film me. The implication was that she was trying to “catch me in the act of breaking in.” Into my own damn car. The one with my name on the registration. I blogged about that and another such incident here.
I also remember, as a kid, when a loved one was harassed by the police for being a Black man, jogging in his own [predominantly White] neighborhood, one in which he had lived for over a decade.
This was 30 years ago. Ironically at that time, we were about 30 years removed from the Civil Rights Era, and adults would talk about how far we had come. Things were so much better.
What can we tell our children now?
There are many more stories I could share. But I will stop here for now. The difference is that we were lucky…we made it home. Ahmaud Arbery did not. The fact that surviving jogging while Black can be considered “lucky” is exactly why it was important for me to do this ride this morning. Rest in power, Ahmaud Arbery.
