Feetbook: A Story Hidden from Facebook
This story was published on March 21st 2019. It was written by Bouna (Thailand, 2018–2020 Cohort)
Have you ever been curious about somebody else’s perfect lives?
I’ve discovered that no matter how perfect your life is, you always have some struggles within your mind.
A Millionaire has a millionaire’s problem.
A Supermodel has a supermodel’s problem.
We all have our own version of rough and tough time
but we never talked or posted it on Facebook because we care so much about our appearance.
“Facebook” is pretty much involved with “Face”
”Face” is our identity, a representative of our existence.
That’s why we tend to guard its value with all our lives.
But..what if we forget about our faces?
Thus, two years ago, I came up with a project called “Feetbook”
In this project, I interviewed perfect or admired people about the dark side of their lives.
Instead of taking a portrait, I chose to snap or ask them to take a photo of their own feet so that they could actually reveal the truth without worrying about their image.
Here are some stories being told in their own (Thai) words which were summarized and translated by myself.
- Feet no.19 -
Face : People always praise me for being smart and selected to a gifted program.
Feet : It’s good to be surrounded by smart guys, but it’s very competitive. The exam is harder than usual — it’s like we’re studying content from high school though we’re only in 8th grade. Everyone attended extra classes while I didn’t, so, I couldn’t compete with them. Now, I feel as if I’m not that smart anymore; I just used to be one.
- Feet no.21 -
Face : Everyone thinks I’m brave. I have the guts to choose my own way and be myself. It seems like I’m talented, lively, easy-going, and have a bunch of friends.
Feet : I’m not that brave. I always trick myself that way because I’m afraid to fail. What I’m doing now is not what I want to do the most. I keep what I really want to do as a secret because I couldn’t stand failure. I try to express myself just to conceal the real me inside. I look happy, but actually I’m full of anxiety and have been suffering from Insomnia for ages. Though it looks like I have a lot of friends, they are just acquaintances. I feel like I can do so many things, but I’m good at nothing.
- Feet no.18 -
Face : Everyone calls me “Madam” because I like a business and have been running my own brand for a long time [In Thailand, madam refers to someone rich or classy]. They think it’s so cool to start such a business before graduating. “You must be so rich!” This is what people think about me.
Feet : Actually, who knows that there are both profit and loss. This business consumes plenty of my time to solve a million problems, sell, promote, do a photo shoot, deal with customers and so on. I’ve lost money because of mistakes. It’s fun but, at one point, I start to ask myself about the sustainability of this business. I’m not sure that we are earning or losing profit now because my accounting skill still needs to be improved.
- Feet no.11 -
Face : I’m known for being perfect. I’m so good at these, I’m so good at those. It turns out that everything I have done is expected to be flawless — it must be cool and awesome! Everyone needs my magic.
Feet : That expectation pressures me. I try so hard not to let them down. But, the truth is I don’t think I am that good and I am seriously lack of self-confidence. Yet, I can’t either say no or tell them I can’t do it. At the end of the day, I just tell them that I’ll give it a try — which is so da** exhausted.
- Feet no.23 -
Face : What people are jealous of me is being good at socializing. I approach every job, every opportunity. I’m not scared of finding a new connection with strangers. Always work my ass off and have my own company before having a degree. Especially, I have a lot of friends and am full of a sense of humour.
Feet : Surprisingly, I’d grown up under pressure. My friends bullied me for being an orphan. That’s why I tried so hard to be better than them. I started from practicing drawing alone in the library. Then, some of them began to admire my talent. After that, I practiced football every day, but still, I had to do it alone because I had no friends. I was even trying to be a student representative. But, I found that, by doing so, I could only get attention, not friendship. At that time, one idea came across my mind: I must be a funny guy to have a friend. So, when I was at home, I tried acting or posting funny postures in front of the mirror and finding the right action to make people laugh. Finally, I had many friends. Actually, even my grandpa, he didn’t like me at first. I had to win his heart so that he accepted as his grandson. I did everything to prove myself and be successful as soon as I could so that he would be proud of me. I tried my best to be who I am now because I didn’t want to go back to where I used to be.
There are many more stories that reflect this inner feeling or an ugly truth behind a fancy post on Facebook. If you’re sad, stressed out, or desperate, believe me, you’re not alone. We all share that pain, just within different issues and forms. So, next time when you scroll down Facebook, stop comparing yourself with others and thinking how bad your life is because there are many things you’ve never known.
* If you’re interested in being part of this project, please send me a photo of your feet with a caption to boonrana.vvk@gmail.com. I’m collecting stories and would like to publish them as a book for people who are facing a depression from social media *
