Partial Happiness

This story was published on October 17th 2019. It was written by Bouna (Thailand, 2018–2020 Cohort)

I was a perfect student.

4.00 was my GPAX from the first until the last grade of high school.

(It’s like I always get A)

I was perfect. (I thought)

But, I wasn’t happy.

Starting the program in Glasgow,

I could barely understand anything.

I don’t understand the culture

I don’t understand the philosophy

I don’t understand the complicated academic papers

And many times, I don’t understand what my friends were talking about.

I asked myself several times: what am I doing here?

Before my departure from Thailand, everyone set a high expectation on me.

For example

“ Live abroad life to the fullest!”

“ Don’t waste this priceless experience”

“ Learn as much as you can and come back to develop our country”

At that point, I had a feeling that I should get 10 out of 10 (of everything)

and that feeling pressured me so much.

Until one class in Glasgow, it was a psychology class,

the teacher said that she did not expect us to remember everything,

if we could only remember 10% of the content, still, she would be very glad.

That kind of idea tremendously inspired me and totally changed my perspective.

I am no longer feel bad about the part I miss.

Instead, I am glad that I learn something more.

I appreciate the plus.

I did not entirely understand the actor with strong Scottish accent

but I could understand his feeling.

I don’t fully understand my friends,

but every time I talk to them, I learn couple things more.

I can’t always catch up with the rhythm in zumba class in Estonia,

but at least I move and enjoy the music with them.

I do not pressure myself to get 10 out of 10

Just 1,2,3 or 0.5 (or something else that are not a score) can make me happy.

(I may get 0.000000025 out of some academic papers)

To experience something, whether it’s good or bad, I believe I will never get 0.

Even it’s minus-something, I will learn.

I don’t let a 10/10 expectation put a stop to my start.

I would like to end this post with the video clip when my friend and I

went to a drag show together in Glasgow.

During the show, I did not quite understand the Scottish accent,

and did not really know what the play was about.

At that time, I could choose to feel bad about my listening skill,

but, I am glad now, that I chose to enjoy it in my own way.

Thanks Jue for the video :D