Upside Down
This story was published on January 7th 2020. It was written by Kathrin (2018–2020 Cohort)
Shadow of the Day
When I tell people about our master’s programme, most of the time the reaction is “Wow, that sounds amazing!” or something of that sort. I mean, it does sound fantastic. You live and study in at least three places in two years, making new friends, learning new things or even new languages, seeing beautiful nature and cities all over Europe. Who would say no to that?! And I have to say, I am indeed glad I am doing this master’s and have the possibility to learn so many things and grow. The fourth and last semester has just begun, and I look back to an incredible variety of experiences and impressions from three very different countries and many differently wonderful people…
But of course this master’s, like EVERYTHING in the world, has a bright and a dark side. When I tell people about what I’m doing, there always are a few who immediately see the difficulties of it as well. “Wow, that sounds cool… but isn’t it a lot? Moving so many times and starting over again and again?” And these people are also right. It is not easy. You have barely fully arrived at a place and whoosh, time does an Olympic record sprint and you have to move again.
Let’s Twist Again
I think it can be difficult to imagine how much mental, physical and emotional energy this takes if you’re not in it yourself. Even though, apart from voluntary summer school in Malaysia, the whole programme takes place in Europe, we still switch between time zones and, more obviously, between weather conditions. I mean, imagine leaving windy and rainy Scotland where you have not seen the sun in what seems like years to go to cool but sunny Malta-in-January and get sunburned on the first day (actually happened…). And the reverse shock is guaranteed when we move to Estonia where temperatures regularly hang around somewhere below zero in autumn and winter. Your body is just like: What the…?!
And then imagine… when you get to a place you have never been, you need to start over with so many things. Where are you going to live? And with who? Where are you going to buy food? Where is your new favourite gym, pub, park? And all the new people you meet! The new language(s) you constantly hear. The new public transport system. The different currency. It takes a lot of your mental energy just to get used to those things again. And then again. And again. Especially if this goes together with having to write essays or your master’s thesis. It seriously is exhausting and, to be honest, I sometimes felt really slow and stupid just because my brain was so busy processing other stuff that it had trouble keeping up with what was happening around me. On that note, thank you to everyone who supported us confused bunch inside and outside of university during these wild times!
But now, here is the twist: I found moving the hardest just very recently when I moved back to Glasgow. I loved it here SO MUCH during the first semester. I had lived in Ireland before coming here and I felt that these two cultures are quite similar — at least when you contrast it with the difference to Malta or Estonia… Haggis vs Pastizzi, getting smiled at by strangers vs a smile being the ultimate signal of “we’re friends now”… I got here more than a year ago the first time, and found friends and an amazing community in Ultimate Frisbee so quickly, I even started considering maybe emigrating here.
And then I had to move away for a year before I could come back.
No Roots
So incredibly many things have happened in the past year. I have been constantly unrooted and repotted. But I always somehow managed to adapt. And suddenly, the pot I have put myself into doesn’t seem the same as before to me. It feels strange. I get super conscious of everything. I feel bored. I feel isolated. I can’t motivate myself for many things. But I’m not the first person to feel this way: It’s called “reverse culture shock” and it sucks.
One website says: “Reverse culture shock is experienced when returning to a place that one expects to be home but actually is no longer, is far more subtle, and therefore, more difficult to manage than outbound shock precisely because it is unexpected and unanticipated”
I mean, fair play to Glasgow! I loved it so much the first time that I expected it to be home. But I have changed, and so has my perspective on things, and suddenly, everything looks different. It feels weird. And, as they say correctly above, I didn’t expect it which makes it suck even more.
I know I will love it again. It is an amazing city in a stunningly beautiful country full of absolutely wonderful people. I have no doubts. But it will feel weird for another bit. Give me time!
Either way, I think it’s important to talk about this.
So — if you’re planning to go abroad for a longer time and think you might immerse yourself, consciously or not, in a different culture, just be prepared that coming back might not be as easy as you thought it would be. Make sure you have people you can talk to and who will understand you!
