The Prophet’s Heir
Dearest Naajy,
I, Hashim Nabeel, am writing this letter to inform you that I have stumbled across, and taken possession of, what I strongly believe to be the holy hair of the high Prophet Muhammad. A relic of the creator of our illustrious faith has mysteriously crossed paths with mine! The al-lawh al-mahfooz has foreordained this sacred relic to present itself to me with obscurity yet as a vessel of light. I am of the firm belief that this baffling occurrence is no mere accident. The Prophet himself, from the splendid, silver gates of heaven, wills me to safeguard this precious vestige of honesty and honour, of kindness and candour. I truly believe, in my faithful soul, that I have been chosen (out of all other candidates) to protect this sacred relic from blasphemous infringement. I have been chosen not out of confounded luck, nor blind indecision, but out of confidence; the one and only Prophet Muhammad has entrusted me with these strands of incomparable splendour!
I write this, weakened and tired, as I prepare to eat and then rest after what has been an eventful yet sobering (and quite tiring) day. I showed my son, Atta, this relic. When I did this, I felt that the relic was too pure for more than one being (other than myself) to set their mortal eyes on. In hindsight, however, I feel that a great gift has been bestowed upon me and I must fully exploit this as if it were any other monetary asset (hence the writing of this letter). Not to do so would be a grave mistake and an overwhelming underutilisation of this newly acquired trophy. My interest in money is purely to support those I care about, of course. There is no ulterior motive that lurks beneath my request.
I ask you this, now in a humbled, honest, fed and unfiltered state, what price I can obtain for the relic? I have thought and thought on my previous conclusion and have satisfied myself with the concept of an ideal and foreseeable future. I am going to be rich, Naajy! Rich enough to not give two damns about my family anymore. To be quite frank, I am fed up with all of this translucent tradition and counterfeit courtesy. The existence of a mistress shall no longer need to be kept a secret; my wife will be shocked, the fool! Atta and Huma can deal with their own silly issues without my help (as if they would have taken it anyway — the greedy girl and incompetent boy). I am done with all this nonsense. Many things I have had the relief of taking off my chest this evening. I feel what I have done is most noble (much like the life I plan to, and am destined to, lead from now on). By offloading certain burdens, I can now travel ‘light’ in this crusade that is life. I must be abed for tonight. Great things await.
As-Salam-u-Alaikum, my dear Naajy. My beautiful soul feels as if it has been cleansed to a marvelous state of purity by the holy waters of Allah’s own river. As I understand it, the relic has only awakened in me what was always there: purity and goodness. I am not a better person with the presence of the relic, but simply more aware of my place in the vast, vast universe; I am enlightened…and special. I have imposed certain ways of life upon my inept blood beneficiaries (and I feel this will give them more discipline and make them happier). I believe, and practise the belief, that one should not live for oneself but for others, and so I am educating others of my way of life to make them better people. I am not trying to make them like me, but to make them better. I feel that all will be better for a more noble path in the journey of astonishing existence: life. I, for one, feel that my actions have been an embodiment of the utmost nobility today. It is in my name, my friend. Nabeel. I am the noble one. The one who does the right thing. I am selfless. I am honest. Loyal…
…My chest, now free of gratuitous burdens. I, Hashim, even more fit for the role of the prophet’s heir. The Prophet’s heir, more than a far-fetched fantasy. The removal of these burdens followed by a realisation of the goodness that was always in my heart. I assure you with certainty, Naajy, that the only thing that these past few days’ mysterious yet insightful events can mean is that I am the heir of the prophet, informed of this by his hair. Muslims all over the world shall recite my name with divine worship. I shall be deified and in all my dazzling glory shall remain humble and ethical. Having but stumbled upon this excited relic (my relic) by accident, makes it all the more certain that the prognosticated successor of the prophet is I.
It is best if you do not speak a word of this letter to anyone as it could endanger my precious relic; more importantly, of course, the world will miss out on the incomparable and consummate teachings of the new Prophet: I am here to save the race.
Please do get back to me on those numbers.
Your advisor,
The Prophet
