Lai’s gift
There was once a young girl orphaned at the age of 9. She grew up in her elder brother’s house under the care of his young wife. There is no way to know of the conditions of her new home and the treatment given by her care takers. One can only observe her current personality and extrapolate it to the life that she lived and experienced.
She is devoted to her plethora of gods and goddesses — always has been. May be they offered a space that promised unending possibilities to a young girl who still dared to dream. May be she did not know how to realize her dreams on her own, there must have been no one to guide her. She saw her brothers bringing their dreams into reality but her prime years came and went without even probably voicing hers for the fear of seeming ungrateful. So she talked to the gods.
Today, she feels supported by only and only her son. May be the only constant during her formative years was her brother. There was no maternal presence constant enough and warm enough to be her support system. She had to rely on her brother for her basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing. When parents provided me with food, shelter, and clothing, I believed it was their job and it was my birth right. I imagine when she lost her parents at such a young age, she didn’t only loose two of the only souls that loved her unconditionally, but also the two people who provided her with her birth right. A slight change in the tone of the care giver, a slight discrimination must leave a huge impact on a sensitive bruised soul. Did she feel a tonne of debt? A picture begins to form about her worship and adoration of the male members of the family — her husband, her son, her grandson. Did she feel that the male form is her only source of securing her basic needs? The patriarchal society never provided her with alternatives and she could direct her life such that she never had to question her deities.
She has always been headstrong and clever — so she explored her powerlessness and found ways to survive. She found herself deciphering that she could make herself useful around the house so as to become a valuable member of her new household. She found her worth in productivity and efficiency in managing the household. She finished basic education. She was even a teacher at a local school for some time teaching home science, sewing etc to girls! She was a survivor. Her management of the household at times seems close-fisted and stingy— but its a product of the life that she has lived.
The fridge should be arranged in a particular way. The utensils should be covered. Cooking utensils are separate from those used for storage. Whatever fruit, vegetable, meat, fish comes in the kitchen is used to its maximum capacity. There is almost a pathological need to clean the feet, hand, and face on entering the house. She made lizard and mouse traps out of the hair fallen from the heads of ladies of the household! And. they. worked. The clothes are recycled and used and reused and then used some more. None of it was pretty, and it was irritating at the most to those who lived with her. Times changed and her management skills started seeming miserly.
May be she was unreasonable, selfish, and delusional— but also may be — from the days she could remember, her way of life was about survival, sustainability, and acceptance of reality.
For a long time, her successors believed our inheritance was her intense idol worship, patriarchal values, and her suspicion towards life. May be underneath all that was a gift of resilience and management of life. Thank you Lai! Your god knows I would need it in these uncertain times and in a world filled with pandemics and collapsing banks. Although I couldn’t feel your soft soft wrinkles one last time, I think I could write the story they told me. This is my imagined reality about you and its a legacy I cherish.
