Unheard
Recently I have realized that I am frequently cut off in the middle of a conversation. It doesn’t bother all the time but in that moment its an interesting note that I make about the topic, the setting, the people, and also my reaction. I have tried to analyze by going over conversations in my head. There are so may explanations that I give myself.
Before judging and concluding about external reasons, I should check in with myself. I react with a little bit of irritation — my voice may rise a bit. Most of the times, I just stop making the point, thinking that my train of thought may not be as interesting to the listener as it is to me. There are times, I continue making the point if the intrusion is irrelevant despite being aware of the loss of attention. The result is a resurgence of interest or an end in conversation. These incidences may seem like one of the random things in life like many others. But when they occur time and again in conversations when I am extra aware of all the actions and reactions taking place — it becomes a topic of introspection and a search for the pattern.
Am I boring? Is there a pattern of behavior that I need to change? Which side of spectrum do I fall for people to ignore me — condescending, know-it-all, stupid, banal, timid? Do people not follow my train of thought- because its too random or too obvious?
It doesn’t happen in professional settings and it doesn’t happen in one-one-one conversations. It happens in social, group settings. People look out for interesting piece in these settings — something to capture their attention. In probably the first self-help book ever written, Dale Carnegie talks about how can we communicate effectively to win people over. One of the important point was to talk about what ‘they’ want to hear and not what ‘you’ want to tell. There were other very interesting, surprisingly simple, and extremely helpful tips too. How to continue when you ARE talking about what they want and love, you ARE answering or asking an open ended question, but then you get interrupted by something very trivial. It seems like it doesn’t matter anyways.
I may misjudge whether people want just a listener or whether they are expecting an input. My ongoing introspection places me amongst the people I am complaining about. Most of the time people need a listener. The communication tools are still artificial with modified voice and delayed responses. They lack the intimacy and pulse of a live conversation. We are more than gracious and accommodating for the technology interrupting our calls and interactions. Do we use up all our grace and patience coping up with drawbacks of technology and there’s none left for our real life? So when there is a chance, we want to be heard as we really are — with no compromise, no interruption, we want to grab the moment. We want instant actions and reactions. We cannot compromise on anything happening a minute later then it is already happening, even at the cost of killing the rhythm of a live conversation.
Okay it got a little macabre there. Another perspective is that since I don’t see many people talking about such experiences, it might be my conceited opinion. I think conversations with strangers, acquaintances, friends, and family used to have a rhythmic pulse due to the omnipresent trust and patience. Now, such conversations are limited to those with very close ones. The rest of them seem to be muddled with suspicion, regret, and anxiety and we are starved of our urge to express our true self. Its rare to find an opportunity to be a part of a conversation alive with vulnerability. It is important to be on the lookout for such opportunities. They are my favorite places to be.
This platform is an outlet for the urge to express my imagined reality about my communication skills. I may move in circles, but its a journey and mine to make. Thank you, reader, for being a part of it.
