Growing as a Filmmaker
I take a few steps forward, and then look back again. There they are, waving their hands with a smile, just like the first time I was leaving here. Beyond them I see a traditional straw-thatched roof house of Jeju Island, South Korea. Not knowing when I can be back, with mixed emotions of sorrow and thankfulness I smile and wave back. I turn around. Promising myself that I won’t look back anymore, I walk quickly, passing the horses on a meadow, passing the cafe I used to go for wifi, passing the fruit trees, and passing the golden field of barley. I walk on till I reach the bus stop, heading for Jeju International Airport.
When I was here about three years ago, I never imagined that I would come to the opposite end of the world all by myself. Born and raised in Silicon Valley, I just blankly thought I should be an engineer. I did pretty well in science and math classes, so why not? But I always had an uneasiness or uncertainty if engineering was what I really wanted to do, or if it was me unconsciously trying to mirror the expectations of my parents.
At the end of my sophomore year in high school there was a buzz about a new university called California Institute of Innovative Education (CIIE), which presented a new outlook on post-secondary education. They would send students to study abroad during their first semester so that young students could become more culturally aware. Upon their return, students had opportunities to work in the field of their interest, completing projects instead of enrolling in classes and fulfilling requirements for their major. This was really appealing to me; I really liked the school’s emphasis on hands-on learning more than studying theories, and pushing students to find their passion, especially after seeing my brother who just finished his bachelor’s degree and was still clueless of what he really wanted to do.
So by the time I became a senior, my heart was pretty much set on CIIE. The application wasn’t so different from the ones I filled out for other schools, which I applied to because I was unable to withstand pressure from my parents. But its essay question asking, “What is the purpose of your life and how will this university help you achieve it?” gave me the biggest brain freeze. I mean I was 18. What was the purpose of my life? How was I going to BS that for six pages? And man, I didn’t know what I was writing but my passion and desperateness to attend CIIE worked somehow. I can’t believe it’s already been over three years, but I was happily accepted as the class of 2030.
First destination: Jeju Island, South Korea
I was more than ready to embark on a new journey. Instead of packing and loading luggage after luggage to move into a dorm like my friends, I packed my suitcase in preparation to fly to Jeju Island in South Korea. During the summer, I had a few online meetings with a counselor from CIIE helping me to choose a destination to study abroad. It wasn’t a conventional studying abroad exchange system though. Instead of taking classes from foreign universities, I was to stay and experience the ways of living and working of a host family.
My top choice was Korea, where my mom came from, and as a hapa, I always wanted to learn the language and culture that were part of my blood. So my destination became Jeju, an island located about 180 miles south of the mainland, a place where the traditional way of living was somewhat more preserved. Through a local in the island who was connected to CIIE, I found my place to live, and I was more than ready to go.
I landed in Jeju with so much anticipation. With my limited Korean, I got on the bus to go to my homestay. My first impression of Jeju was kind of strange. Jeju had an absolutely gorgeous landscape, and because of that it was a popular tourist attraction. There were hotels, resorts, and fancy restaurants surrounding the airport. But once past all that glamorous city-like ambiance there were fields after fields of rice and barley meshed in with nature. Houses began to look less westernized. Roads began to narrow. And at last, the unpaved dirt path. The bus wobbled side to side and by the time I got off 20 minutes later, I was ready to take a big gulp of cold water and lie down.
The host family, a couple in their late 60s, greeted me and took me to their home. I was ready for a new experience and I knew I wasn’t going to live comfortably like I did back home, but I have to be honest, I was worried the moment I saw the house. Rock walls. Straw-thatched roof. No windows. Small. Very small. Passing by a small metal chicken coup with squawking and fluttering hens, they led me to a room adjacent to the bathroom. Again, first impression: very small. And um... Where’s the bed?
My host family had to leave back to work so I thanked them and began to unpack. Summer heat in Jeju was sweltering and I was ready to take a cool bath and tame my hair to be somewhat manageable.
The moment I walked into the bathroom I was confused. On a tiled floor, there was a toilet. And next to it was a faucet, mounted on the wall, only a few inches above the ground. Then I spotted a small plastic basket in the corner.
It took me a while to figure out what I had to do.
And it was the most complicated shower, if that’s what you can call, I’ve ever had. I never got used to it, even after my six-months stay.
Looking around the house I spotted no living room, just one more small room. In addition to no bed, there was no washing machine, no dishwasher, and of course, no computer nor wifi. It was very different. More different than I thought it would be. I was worried, and I hate to admit, scared. But I was also very eager.
My Jeju life in full swing, paving a new direction .
Staying in Jeju was surreal. This was nothing like the conventional study abroad program. And this was definitely not something that I would expect my first semester in college to look like.
From the second day to my departure, I frequently followed my host family to their work. The host mom sorted sea squirts, the speciality of Jeju, on the shore, and the host dad tended a field of lettuce. I was surprised to see that they worked over ten hours a day, seven days a week, and received so little in amount. Their work wasn’t difficult, as in complexity, and I was able to help them efficiently once they taught me how, but the hours of labor were so tiring I wondered how they did it. By the end of the day, my shoulders, back, and legs were so sore.
During the weekends, they would tell me to rest or to go downtown and explore. But I loved following them to work, despite the pain and sweat, because during those times I really got to bond with them, to listen to their stories, and to learn a lot from their experience. Compared to my grandparents, who were retired and living comfortably, my host family’s lifestyle was definitely not easy. But to my surprise, they were happy, satisfied, and thankful. Their humility was something I haven’t quite seen before.
I took lots and lots of pictures because I wanted to document my stay and possibly bring the same emotion I felt to my friends and family. My host family’s life story of overcoming struggle after struggle and finding joy and hope from the simplest things was very inspirational, and it resonated with me.
I soon found photos to be limiting and they weren’t enough to capture the feelings I had. Pictures speak louder than words but videos packed with action speak louder than stills, right? And so I started shooting videos, whether it was what we ate, what we did, where we went, or what we talked about. I was never really a video person so at first it wasn’t easy to shoot quality video footages with a DSLR I borrowed from my brother. But the more I experimented with it, the more I found little functions like changing the white balance, ISO, and focal length to fit different situations and shoot better.
Oftentimes, we grow up so confined by what we’re given. We’re also so focused on our goals and how to make it to the top, make money, and more money, and more money because that’s what we equate with happiness. At least, that’s how I used to think. But during my stay in Jeju, and by seeing how other people lived, my perception of myself changed, my perception of life changed, and my perception of the world changed.
I realized I was the privileged, something that I never saw myself as before. I realized that looking at the world beyond money to live a happy life is realistic — not easy but feasible depending on how you look at life or what you want your life to be. I didn’t want to be a racehorse shielded with blinkers so that I could reach the ultimate finishing line of what the world defined as success. And I realized why CIIE would send students to different countries for their first semester. Eureka. It was to break us.
The idea of becoming an engineer was out the door, never to be back. I wanted to document and bring to life stories like the ones I had seen. I wanted to share these stories that would otherwise go unnoticed by much of the rest of the world. And by capturing such stories, I wanted to present a bigger view of the world and guide others to be globally and culturally aware. And I knew I could, with the privilege I was given. My heart was set on becoming a filmmaker, so I decided to learn more about production in CIIE.
Practice, Practice, and more Practice
Upon return, I met with dozen other students who were interested in production and who had also just come back from their study abroad. Sharing a common interest and passion knitted us together tightly, and I grew extremely close with some of them as we worked on collaborative projects together over the years.
Our production track in CIIE consisted of three programs leveled as beginner, intermediate, and advanced. Each program posed quite a challenge but they all provided quality experience in the field.
The beginner program was heavily loaded with practical workshops. Not only did I learn about the discourses of production and cameras, I got to practice how to write scripts for different genre of films and use editing software, camera equipment, audio accessories, and light kits.
Our instructors were current independent filmmakers and a former screenwriter in broadcast journalism. They closely coached us as we got our feet wet in various types of production such as producing music videos, public service announcements, short documentaries, and dance performance pieces. These workshops were made available to students in the intermediate and advanced program as well, though they seldom joined.
Many projects took weeks, sometimes even months when you included all the time we spent in preproduction, production, and postproduction. We followed the regular semester system of other schools with long summer and winter breaks. Technically we were allowed to leave projects unfinished and come back to them after the breaks, but we never did because we were adamant about completing them. Multiple times a year we had a screening night when selected productions from all levels were showcased. This also served as an opportunity for us to meet other seniors in the track and get to know them.
Compared to the tightly structured workshops of the beginner program, the intermediate program gave me more freedom and I could choose projects on my own to participate. I guess it’s something similar to an internship that we had to apply. But our ‘employers’ were recent graduates and students in the advanced program. We would have causal interviews with them and share what kinds of workshops we had taken, what kinds of skills we had, why we were interested in working with them on their projects. The relationships I built with the seniors before really helped because it was more likely of them to pick me when they knew me beyond what I presented myself to be.
The first intermediate project I participated in was a professional music video shoot, a project by a group of advanced students. It was for the first single by Korie, shot in New Orleans, Louisiana. I worked as a sound assistant, carrying boom mics and running errands for the sound mixer. The shoot only lasted a week but we spent a couple more weeks in the editing labs adjusting the sound levels of ambient noise in the video and pre-recorded tracks, and adding sound effects. I also joined the video editing sessions and learned more about when to jump cut to make the video more dynamic and how to use different transitioning functions. This was a big jump from just working on productions in workshops. Especially when the music video was released and soon broke a million views, I couldn’t be any happier to be part of such process.
My experience with the second project was completely different from that of the first. For four months, I got to work in Escape, a television network mainly airing drama, suspense, and feature films, as an assistant to a set runner who was a recent graduate of CIIE production program. Every Tuesday to Thursday were shoot days for a starting seasonal drama. Aside from being a Starbucks errand runner for the team, I got to assist in printing and distributing scripts and communicating with the talents behind the set. I started my day building sets and ended it with coiling dozens of cables with the camera crew. Although working in a tense environment was somewhat stressful, it was really fun to work with a big, professional crew.
For my last project in completing the intermediate program, I was able to join a team of advanced students making a documentary. I was so excited because this was what I was really interested in. Our work was about the number one photoblog, Humans of New York (HONY), by Brandon Stanton, as a tribute to its 20th anniversary. I worked as an assistant cinematographer, capturing Stanton at work: how he approached people, how he took their photos, and how he listened and recorded their story. It was very inspiring to see how Stanton worked because I too wanted to share life stories of those unshared and give voice to those unheard, but with videos.
Joining the team from preproduction all the way to post took about three months. Throughout the process, I learned so much, especially from the director and senior cinematographer, whom I worked with closely, in terms of organizing the crew, managing production time, planning shot series, and non-linear editing. My experience with the HONY production team was the best experience I could have asked for and a perfect way to complete the intermediate program.
After three intensive projects, I moved on to the advanced program. I’ve already helped with two productions directed by my peers and now this was it: my own project. My last, final, big ‘bang!’ I’ve been waiting for this. And I knew what I wanted to do in a heartbeat.
Last destination: Jeju Island, South Korea
Although I haven’t kept in close touch with my host family, they were more than happy to be featured in my documentary. I formed my crew with other peers whom I worked with on previous projects. Assistant director, two cinematographers, and a location sound engineer. Check, check, and all check. I also picked two students from the intermediate program as an assistant cinematographer and assistant location sound recordist. They were the ones I’ve been kind of eyeing after I saw their work on screening nights. It was my first time being a director other than the workshop productions I did in the beginner program so I was extremely nervous.
The preproduction process took about seven weeks. From planning out the details to finding where we would lodge, from drafting several versions of storyboards to picking out loads of equipment to bring and at the same time minimizing them, I had to think and be on my toes preparing for so many things. I had a fairly small budget and it allowed us only 17 actual days for shooting. Thank God I had more leeway here and there because my piece wasn’t heavily scripted. I really wanted to capture their humble lifestyle in the most organic way as possible.
Passing by the golden field of barley to my host family’s house brought back so many memories. Seeing them once again was overwhelming. We didn’t have hugging and crying session for hours but we did have a very sentimental greeting.
A lot had changed in three years. The host dad bought a plot of land where he started to grow carrots. The host mom stopped dying her hair black and now it was silver white. Their daughter also moved down from Seoul, the national capital, after she sent off her children to college to take care of her parents. I, too, had changed in many ways.
From day one, we were on our feet, up and running, shadowing the host family to work, interviewing them, essentially capturing the way they lived. Their life untainted by the technology-saturated world, their preservation of traditions, their day to day diligence, their appreciation with the smallest things in life really brought warmth in my heart. I hope I did the best job capturing that warmth.
Somewhat expected but to my dismay, two and a half weeks went by in a blink of an eye. It was a stretch for me but I wanted to spend more time with the host family so I decided to stay back and spend a few more days with them while my crew packed, ready to leave.
During my last week, I did what I did the first time I came here. I helped the host mom as she worked with sea squirts, and I helped the host dad fertilize the soil for lettuce and water the carrot field. I checked out from the nearby hotel and stayed with their daughter in her room, which used to be my room. It was small, but we made do. I was still very uncomfortable with the bathroom, though.
The daughter was really interested in my American university experience and I was more than happy to share what I had learned and how that was different from what I imagine happens in regular universities. Reflecting back on what I have gone through to account my story to her, I realized I traveled quite a journey in CIIE. I grew as an individual. I grew as a community. I grew as a filmmaker.
To put it in poetic terms, my experience in CIIE was like growing a lotus: you first have to break the seed for the sprouts and roots to grow and for the flower to bloom eventually. I gained a whole new perspective on life when I first traveled to Jeju. And working alongside passionate and genuine professionals and peers, I learned, grew, and became grounded in the production world. I’ve found the direction I want to take in my life. I can confidently say that I know what to do to live my life satisfactorily.
When I go back, I think I’ll spend several weeks in postproduction editing footage until graduation. But I’ll probably take several more months just to perfect it into a piece worth submitting for the Sundance Film Festival next January. I’ve grown as a filmmaker, but I know my growth won’t simply stop here. I am ready to embark on another journey.
