Talking about Rape
For my senior thesis, I am creating a visual novel to raise awareness for and spread information about mental disorders. You can find more information about the game in my post here.
The character I will be discussing today is Aurora. She is diagnosed with PTSD, and it is revealed early on that her PTSD is caused by multiple rapes.
Rape is a touchy subject. I could almost say that it is similar to racism in the way that people will look at you with disgust if you discuss it without being a victim yourself.
All the stories in my game are based on reality, and this comes into play most prominently in Aurora’s route where she discusses being raped. Below is an excerpt from her story where she reveals her past.
a “The first time… I was 12. It was at this kid’s birthday party. I wouldn’t say we were ‘friends’ but he was never mean to me as far as I can remember.”
“I wait for her to continue.”
a “…They were playing ‘It Ends Tonight’ by All-American Rejects. We were dancing and had those light up rings and crappy plastic shutter shades with shitty rhinestones on them.”
a “His older brother asked if I would come take a picture of him and his friends. Older brother was maybe 19, 20? I said sure.”
“What little light there was left in her eyes died.”
a “I followed them up to the loft or whatever. I don’t know what to call it. I asked where we were going. There were 3 of them. Older brother didn’t seem to know what was going on when the other two grabbed me.”
a “I guess he hadn’t been fully informed of the plan.”
a “They kept telling me that no one would help me if I screamed. I didn’t even know I was supposed to scream. I was only 12. Older brother sort of hung back, but the other two took turns.”
a “I never told anyone about that… until now.”
“I sit there in silence, frozen in shock and horror.”
“She continues.”
a “The second time… I was 14. I was at a boarding school. My parents sent me away, thinking it would help me make friends, since I obviously wanted nothing to do with the kids at the first school…”
She goes on to describe four more rape scenes. I created a separate score for this scene, as well as a separate sprite where her eyes are dull and lack reflection.
Everything discussed in this sequence is true. While I am attempting to educate my players about the harsh reality of sexual assault and the PTSD that comes with it, I feel that this is also therapeutic for me in a way. Writing the scripts for this scene was very difficult for me, and took much longer than it should have, given the amount of content. I had to keep taking breaks to pet my cat or just stare at the ceiling tearlessly. These are parts of PTSD that people don’t talk about. There is a point where you realise that tears will never help, and nothing can change the fact that your body has been taken from you. While it is possible to learn to live with this fact, it is impossible to ever really “get better” from these things. While there is no way I can fully communicate the extent of this trauma in a visual novel, I am doing my best in the hope that people will learn from my experience and be more aware.
