We are here. I am.
Life is strange. At one end of it, we grasp the need to find a way to stand above our problems, like an alien floating above, gazing at the planet and determining how small everything is; the other, is where we are here, whether we like it or not, we are here – within the confines of what generations before us have constructed so that we have the perception of choice. We have unique obstacles, in the sense that life is ordained to each of us in a range of patterns, which ultimately we must find a way to use to our advantage or – we become overwhelmed by them.
Sometimes, that overwhelming feeling, or the physical and material ramifications of that propel us into action. When I was little my older sister used to play a game with my brother and I, she’d crouch her body up at the edge of the couch with her feet against our backs while we stood ready for the blast, and we’d run free from her charge into the open living room of pillows and blankets giggling and laughing. It all seemed like simple fun. Now that I’ve grown, I realized since leaving home life is like that but there are no soft landings for me – I just have to keep pushing forward. I have to use inspiration through the small things to find motivation. We all do.
We want to find the time to do it all. Experience everything we can because we are here. I often stare and obsess over the veins in my hands. I want to rip them out. They’re not too feminine. I hate them. And, I love them. I want them to grow, to extend from my hands, my fingertips, like roots or impermeable threads that connect into all roads, every person in pain, and with the beauty of the world and create something better. Something impossible to imagine until it all plays out. I am here. I am here to do something. We all are.
Often that something feels like a word at the tip of my tongue. I remember a man I couldn’t help but love often failed to find the words he wanted to say, and that hit of dopamine every time I could find them for him. Now I know what he felt like. It’s the same, but different. So, I have to keep believing and taking risks. Still, even risk is not enough. We must find excellence, testing each risk every minute of every day while we are here. When I get overwhelmed by this, I float back up into space and stare at all. It’s safe. But, It’s lonely. So, I am here. With each and every person walking the earth, with each and every thought, action, emotion, and step. I am here. A sprint in eternity, I am.
