My sexually active daughter wants to have sex!

Today’s letter is from Dear Prudence:

Hypocrites: I have had a huge fight with my college-age daughter over her boyfriend coming to visit her at home this summer. She wants him to be able to stay in her room rather than with her brothers. Her dad and I are not comfortable about her having sex under our roof.
She blew up and said that all the adults in our family are hypocrites about sex — she referred to the fact that my brother’s birthday is six months after my parents’ wedding anniversary and that her older brothers went on camping trips with their girlfriends when they were younger than she is. I am very hurt and haven’t talk to her since then. I know all my older children are sexually active, and I want them to be safe and smart about it, but I feel uncomfortable having her boyfriend in her bedroom when I still have younger children here.
What do you think I should do? (Talking with my husband about this is useless — sex and our only daughter is not a topic I can bring up to him calmly.)

Dear Hypocrite,

The easy solution so that everyone gets what they want is that you allow the boyfriend to stay in your daughter’s room, but put a chastity belt on your daughter so she cannot do anything you don’t approve of.

Your younger children have, presumably, never seen two unmarried adults go to the same room at night (especially not on TV!), so they would be confused and upset about your daughter’s behavior. That makes perfect sense. Who cares if 9 months out of the year, your daughter is free to sleep with anyone she would like. She will follow your rules under your roof. There’s no way that your refusal to treat your adult daughter like an adult will end with her refusing to come home in the future or cause any problems in your relationship.

If she tries to bring up any differences in how your sons are treated, just explain to her that sons are fundamentally better different than daughters. Parents aren’t obligated to provide a dowry for sons, so their purity is less vital. Explain that you were only planning to provide two goats to the family that takes her off your hands, but if she keeps up this lewd behavior, the family will demand additional livestock you just don’t have.

I understand your husband’s reluctance to talk about your daughter having sex. He should be a good parent and go everywhere she goes to ensure that she can never have sex. If you band together, as a family, you can ensure your daughter retains her current value (much depreciated from her virginal value, but still okay).


Originally published at I’m Not Wrong.

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