In Between “True” and “False”
“I DONT HAVE ANY FRIENDS,” I whined, pacing back and forth in my room as the digital clock on my computer struck 11:29, “ONE MORE MINUTE OH MY GOD” I was dreading the moment I had to click on a link that led to a Google Meet where I’d join a class and see my classmates and teacher for the first time. I had seen the names of the members beforehand and saw that I knew none of them personally and some of them were the “popular kids” that I did not want anything to do with (if you’re reading this, sorry). As the clock struck 11:30, I clicked on the link, knowing 100% that I’d drop the class.
Nine months later, I’m still in that class. But I’m not dreading it or praying to God to give me social skills to talk to popular kids.
Turns out the class was a blast. The students were amazingly intelligent and understanding (although I’m not gonna lie, some of them pissed me off at times), and our discussions were profound and created a safe space for vulnerability. The topics we explored opened my mind and my life to so many new perspectives and understandings.
We read The Power of Meaning and The Consolations of Philosophy, discussing in groups about the assigned chapters and how it connects to our personal lives. We learned how to design our lives so we can live a meaningful one no matter what path we take, we learned about the dedicated work of renowned philosophers and their connections to our lives, we learned about the importance of connecting with others and its contributions to making our lives purposeful.
Out of all the things we learned, my best takeaway from the course was reframing dysfunctional beliefs. I did a lesson/presentation on this in class because it resonated with me and changed my life so hugely.
Before this course, I saw the world and my life through an extreme black-and-white lens. I knew about the grays of the world but I thought it was just how indecisive people saw everything else.
But IMPACT Seminar changed all of that.
Chapter 1 of The Consolations of Philosophy talks about the Socratic method for thinking, which is essentially a method to challenge “common sense”. He talks about finding examples of common sense, assumes a situation where the statement is false, then trashes the whole statement because it’s entirely false and imprecise. Or so I thought. Socrates didn’t just criticize common sense, he stated that reframing them is important so that they include exceptions and become more nuanced.
For example, if I were to say: “bodybuilders are the fittest people on Earth”
I could counter that by questioning the standards for being fit and state that “many bodybuilders drink dozens of raw eggs every day and omit carbohydrates from their diet to shed fat and carve out their physique”
Then I could reframe the previous statement and say that “while bodybuilders certainly have impressive bodies, their diets are extreme and unbalanced.”
Of course, there are individual opinions that may oppose my final statement. A bodybuilder who took offense reading my reframed statement would probably like to passionately disagree. On the other hand, a retired bodybuilder could resonate with that statement and back me up. The whole point of reframing is changing your perspective.
In other words, Socrates taught me that things between “true” and “false” exist. He showed me that the world is all made of shades of gray and nothing ever falls under the extremities of black and white.
Nothing is ever 100% true and nothing is ever 100% false.
Even if you say unicorns are real or not, no one can prove that.
Even if some researcher with impressive credentials and five PhDs declared that Phantom of the Opera never existed, Erik is still the Angel of Music for those who care to listen.
I begin to apply the method of reframing to my life, to dysfunctional beliefs. Dysfunctional beliefs are views and opinions that are unhealthy and unsustainable, such as “I hate math so much and I want to drop it but I don’t want to seem stupid”
First of all, I really did hate math. Don’t condemn yourself for certain strong emotions you feel. Just don’t go lashing out at people who love math and throwing rulers at them. It’s good to respect your and others’ opinions, just never hurt yourself or others.
Second of all, who based intelligence solely on mathematic abilities? That is a dysfunctional belief because intelligence is not how big your brain is or how practically you can think.
Finally, I should not prioritize others’ perceptions of me over my own gut feeling. Gut feelings are your truest spark.
So how did I reframe this? I decided to respect my instinct, which was to drop math because it was keeping me up at night, causing breakdowns at 2 AM in the morning, and making me feel like I had zero intelligence. I decided to value my mental health over common sense.
Of course, just because you reframe dysfunctional beliefs you have about math, doesn’t always lead to you dropping the course. It might encourage you to pursue a more advanced level, who knows?
I started reframing dysfunctional beliefs all day every day. I reframed everything from the way I saw the world around me, to myself and how I’ve been treating myself. I stood up for myself in places where I faced discrimination and silencing of voices, I saw value in me, and I saw value in my life.
The more I reframed, the more I started to recognize certain things as dysfunctional beliefs. It felt like unlocking a million latches one by one and letting my wings go of its restraints (it’s cliché but stick with me). It was freeing.
And even more, I realized that the world has colors on top of it having grays. The world, even if the term is limited to Earth, and more specifically on land where it occupies some human inhabitants, is limitless. There are countless infinities in finite space.
Reframing showed me how the world truly was: constantly changing, imperfect, impermanent, and precious.
P.S. have you seen the blackest paint in the world? It took the world by storm because no one had ever seen black that black. But the paint is only the blackest in comparison to other black paints. So really, it’s not the black paint. It’s just blacker than any other black paint on Earth. See what I mean?
