A Letter to El Roi (4)
El Roi,
Writing most times is how I know what I’m thinking.
So I pen it down; offload to stay afloat and stop sinking.
This is that rock bottom feeling, that swings low and you’ll find me
This is that song on cue in a movie for when the hero’s feeling villainy
Inside me, caught between pain and compromise
And these tears feel like acid every moment they don’t leave my eyes
Cause my story right now is tragic, at this moment there’s no magic
No unicorns, no rainbows, no high fives, just bad seeds.
Whispers, all they do is drown away the voices.
Distant, that’s the way they drag away my choices
Pushing me to the wall, telling me the only way I can rejoice is
If I trade my pain and give heed to the noises.
I do, just for one moment. Maybe two.
Then the noise fades and suddenly I’m all alone in my gloom
With the product of my choices and a friend the noise left on a loop.
So when it was morning and joy came to take away my pain, I had nothing else in my corner but guilt.
Dear Child,
Guilt is that sneaky feeling of an abundance of regret and the internal punishment that comes with knowing you should not have done something you did. Guilt piles on you the weight of your actions or inactions and puts you in a pit to wallow in the pain of the result.
As a matter of fact, it adds to the pain, it equips your mind and heart with the necessary tools to allow you sink deeper and deeper in regret. Whenever you get down in extreme sadness, wallow in self-pity and its likes, guilt wins. It gains victory and then mastery over you.
This is not the way of faith. The way of faith is Godly sorrow and not guilt. Godly sorrow leads to repentance while guilt leads to destruction.
Paul had written a hard letter to the church in Corinth addressing some of their ‘mess-ups’ and at some point, he considered if he was too hard on them. After some thought he realized that the approach he took led them, in what he called ‘Godly- Sorrow’, 2 Corinthians 7: 9–11.
Whenever you get into this position where you “have done it” or “have done it again” you do not brush away, run away, hide, ignore, or drown yourself in your actions. You face it head on, deal with it so you can grow and make progress. How exactly do you deal with these things?
First, you acknowledge what you have done. Don’t water it down, don’t make it lighter than it is. Acknowledge it for what it is so you can take proper responsibility.
Come to me and ask, I would forgive you and strengthen you for the next steps.
Do what is necessary to make amends. For e.g., Apologize if there is a wronged party, pay the necessary bills (if it applies to the situation), You have my grace to show you how to do better and be better.
Take responsibility for your growth. Do what it takes to ensure you are not in that hole anymore. It may be through accountability, mentorship, improved prayer and study life, letting go of some kind of company/relationships, etc. Whatever it takes.
The experiences of our lives leave us with lessons. It is best if we learn them. Even though experience is not the best teacher, it does leave us the gift of knowledge.
Remember I do not condemn my children for what they have or haven’t done. I love them through it all. Yet, I never want them to remain where they have been. I want them to come up higher. I want them to grow, be better, to mature into the godlikeness they were born with.
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So, God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit” Romans 8:1–4
You can always read our previous El Roi series here 👉🏽 A Letter to El Roi Series
