That question is still something I ask myself at times in my life and it seems to always to create an emotion out of me. As of late it has truly helped me to have a good chuckle and a laugh. Other times, it was not so great. You might had already met me, know me from meeting in person or even just seeing a video that I was in on DudePanel.com or even on stage some where or working along side of you in a workshop. I love being coached and learning new things. It is one of my goals in life to be a constant student and pupil and to not stop growing and to have fun. I am a sort of big kid that does a lot of fun and exciting stuff. Well, not all the time at other times I just have to do the dirty work, just as most folks do.
So how did I end up here?
The most influential part of my life was in the Summer of 2008. I was on Active Duty in the United States Marine Corps and I think that I was probably one of the better Marines in my profession. I was healthy, intelligent and oh, was I mean. I would wrestle and spare or fight with almost anyone. Sometimes prisoners fought with me or tried to fight me. Prisoners usually weren’t bad folks but were folks that just did not want to cooperate with me. By the way, while in the Marine Corps I was a Military Police/Corrections Specialist or “Brig Rat” as we were called by others in the Marine Corps. I even got to do a really cool job where I was an Absentee Collections Investigator or Bounty Hunter of Sorts. Basically, I would fly out and pick up Marines who ran away from base and were considered U.A. (Unauthorized Absence) and had been away for more than a month and need to come back. We would make sure that they had arrest warrants and such and we would fly out there to pick them up and bring them back to Uncle Sam.
Ever read about the Detention Center in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba before? I also worked there and several other facilities. Everywhere I looked I had human behaviors and actions and violence and whining and crying and laughing around me. It was not as violent as many people may think, still it was just enough to keep me on my toes. When I was not on my toes, I would get hurt, and I got hurt bad.
In the Summer of 2008 I was a Sergeant working as this type of bounty hunter for the Marine Corps. I loved it. I had a lot of responsibility and not too many bosses or higher ups around me. I found out quickly that I was okay with having one or two higher ups to report to but when I had 6–8 bosses, I couldn’t find enough time to get my own stuff done. So this position was great for e because of the freedom.
Additionally, I had married a fantastic woman who was from Italy and was gorgeous. Plus, her personality and conversation skills were charming to my friends but her sense of humor is where her and I would melt into each other. We had been together for almost 3 years by 2008.
I was suffering from PTSD, Depression, Anxiety and a bit of Insomnia. At night sometimes I would speak in my sleep and talk out loud and even yell or start to cry. My wife would wake me to be sure that I was okay and of course being it was a bad dream or I would not be aware of it at all, I would wake up and say, “Hey babe what is going on is there a burglar or something?” “No, you were crying in your sleep again.” she murmured. “Maybe you sleep on the couch if you are going to cry like that all the time while you sleep? I need my sleep you know?” my wife would groan as she rolled over to go to sleep.
This is what sucks about PTSD. There is no one else in the entire world that knows what is going on with you except for the people that were there with you in the military as it was happening and maybe they are the closest people you know that you have a chance of being “Normal” in your life that you may have.
Soon, my wife began acting strange and I could not figure it out at all. The sex was off, the kissing was off, her emotions and eye contact was off. Being in a jail for as long as I had been a guard I knew that something was up, but what?
Then, while out of town on a quick mission pick-up for a Marine Corps Deserter I got the call from one of my co-workers.
“Yo, Goodson, hey, no way to explain it but don’t know if you know this or not. But Reeves is fucking your wife and the whole unit knows, Even Gunny, they just don’t want to tell you because they don’t want to make things bad in the office for everyone. If anyone asks, it wasn’t me that told you, is that okay with you?”
I had just dropped off my co-worker Jason off at his home to go back to see his wife and kids when I got the call. I went back to my home to confront my wife and my suitcases were already packed and on the doorstep. Well something was up for sure.
What followed then was a spinning array of dramas and traumas and not much logical sense. The Marine Corps had taken nearly 90% of my paycheck to give to my wife for her standard of living. To make it worse, my former “buddy” was banging my wife and I was homeless. I slept in my jeep for months. The Marine Corps telling me that I was not allowed to stay in any of the empty spare barrack rooms because I was a married Marine.
After 2 months of this I just wept and cried for 5 days straight it felt like, I then drove to the Ocean Beach Fishing peir and parked my Jeep and walked over to the liquor store and purchased a huge bottle of Captain Morgan’s Rum, and I also had a shit load of percasets, valiums and Tylenol in my pocket. I was going to go and get drunk on the beach and smoke cigarettes and to die as well.
I sat there that night just crying and drinking and smoking. Even the homeless people knew that I was a goner and did not say a word to me. Which is rare if you know the type of folks out there on the “wall” in Ocean Beach. I decided to set the alarm on my phone to wake me up for the rise of dawn. I wanted to see it one more time before I cashed in my chips so to speak.
I did not fall asleep instead I just cried and cried. Finally the sun came up and I knew it was time. I felt this strange calm around me, as if when time itself stops or just slows down, just for me. It was magical and I felt happy. Please understand that no one really knows how they are going to die in this world except for people who are about to commit suicide, they know, and they are sure. Thinking about all of those people out there that were supposed to be alive the next day were faking and were weak, I was making the choice to leave and I knew what to do.
Seeing that there was quite a bit of rum left in the bottle, I laughed. I smiled. I swallowed pill after pill, and taking shots of rum in between. It was a relief. I was leaving. Checking out. All of the times I was hit, beat, laughed at, beat down and also made to feel shame was about to go away from me. I was checking out and I had the power to do it the way I wanted it to be. On the Beach, in Ocean Beach, drunk and watching the sunrise from behind me over my shoulders.
Then it happened.
I was choosing the way I was going to die, but I never stopped to accept that I could choose how to live! I had a choice in life sure, live or die but that was not a powerful choice, it was a weak choice. It was a bullshit choice and it was a choice that was so full of shit!
Trying to force myself into vomiting and to get as much of the pills out of my stomach and the rum, I heaved my guts into the sand and making the sound of a madman barfing while screaming, “I want to live! I want to find my life!” I screamed out to the Pacific Beach. The sound of my scream fell on to the waves that fell on the shore and not on the parking lot or the homes that were nearby. Ocean Beach is completely deserted at dawn. Not even the Homeless guys were concerned of my noise.
After that, I cleaned the puke off of myself and walked back to my friends house that was very far away. It took me 6 hours to get to his house due to my drunkenness. I went to his couch and slept for 2 days straight.
When I awoke, things in my life were still fucked up but I knew that I had to do something. I had to break this cycle and master myself. Now at the time of my writing this document, I will say that I am far from perfect, still, I have been able to completely change my life around.
I do skype calls with my clients, I see my lovely girlfriend who is gorgeous and a bit younger than I am too. I am the envy of most men. I have amazing mentors and friends in my life now that show me the better ways to go through life. I took that negative and made it into a positive.
Currently I serve my clients by presenting them with changes that can be made to their lives that can last a lifetime and keep them going further and farther in life. From Pick Up Artist Coaches, Medical Doctors, to Sugar Baby Girls trying to get married to an unknowing man, to Multi-Millionaire Traders and Investors and several business owners. I found out about Hypnosis, and NLP as well as something called, “Pick-Up.”
After a few years of learning the ropes I was coaching and making money from that I decided to focus solely on NLP and Hypnosis due to the fast pace changes in the clients and the long lasting results as well.
My name is Adam, and I do prefer that name as to being called anything else. Let’s begin and I can show you a bit more of what I did for myself and how I came to finding something that worked for me.