The Liminality of Patience
By Jen Reiter
Well, here we are in the beginning of the third month of our six-month tenure as Janice, co-Artistic Directors of Impro Theatre. There’s so much I want to share about what we’ve been working on and how we’ve been working. I want to tell you about negotiating the casting process of our upcoming Jane Austen Unscripted at the Garry Marshall Theatre. We had so many meetings with the amazing directing and producing Janeteam, talking about how to balance the desire to put everyone available into the show with the desire to diversify the cast. Not to mention the fact that we needed to pare down our cast to accommodate the realities of space and time and wardrobe fittings! I want to tell you about how we’re beginning to delve into the complexities of our diversity within the new ensemble through moderated salons, making space to hear from the individuals that make up our ranks. I want to tell you about the interesting and inspiring candidates that were interviewed for the position of Executive Director of Impro Theatre and the gorgeous spreadsheets and scheduling plans that were created by the Executive Director Search Committee. I want to tell you about the support and input we’ve received from the Impro community who continues to impress us with their commitment and heart whether it be through service on the DEIA committee, through the diligence and thoughtfulness of our Leadership Council, or through the enthusiastic emails we’ve received from people about these blogs.
Hold on a minute! I can feel myself freaking out a bit. There’s a lot to tell you about and I’ve only just scratched the surface. <breathe in, breathe out>
I need to put on my Patience playlist that I made for my kids one time when I really needed them to understand the concept of patience (code for–Stop asking for the same thing over and over again seemingly without breathing in between requests–KIDS!). And yes, Paula Cole’s “I Don’t Want To Wait” & Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” are featured prominently.
You see, I am in need of some patience these days. Patience for progress.
This year we have been talking about the word LIMINAL and exploring where it appears in our work. And I am discovering that patience is a beautiful demonstration of what it feels like to live in the liminal.
When I think of PATIENCE, I think of saintly zen masters, floating on a bed of olive branches amongst clouds and doves, with sweet breath and wry knowing smiles of delight.
But y’all, patience is a real bish sometimes! Patience is uncomfortable and antsy and hair-pulling-out. Now that I type that out it seems obvious that this is what patience feels like in actuality. But how do I reconcile the idealist images of patience with what I feel when faced with the need for patience? How do I go from skin crawling desperation for change to sweet breath and knowing smiles of goddamn delight? How do I wait for all this change we’ve been working toward to complete it’s transformation already?!
Calm down Cathy!
This is what I toil over. This is the liminal space in which I am living.
I have been so inspired by our ensemble for the past few weeks. We have been holding salons where we’ve invited a panel of people from marginalized communities from within our ensemble to share what their experiences of performing in classic genres such as Jane Austen Unscripted. As a white cis straight woman, I have been met with my own discomfort in the face of hearing about the experiences of my peers. I’m so frustrated that my friends experience anything other than freedom at any point in their lives, let alone on stage while we improvise stories together. I’m immediately riled up and IMPATIENT for PROGRESS. I don’t want my fellow ensemble members to feel this way for one more second.
But if I center my own impatience for change, then I am not listening.
I need to accept that both can be true. That I want there to be change, but that it is not here yet. That I don’t know what the change will be or look like or feel like. I am on the road to progress. I am in between where we were and where we want to be. I am in the LIMINAL space.
At Impro, we understand this as 2nd Circle — the energy of full connection to the world around you. It is neither withdrawn nor forceful, controlled or controlling. But I notice that my reaction to these salons is either to want to withdraw, or to force change on everyone. But we don’t know HOW to change yet. And that is the work that lies ahead of us. It is the work that we are doing. It’s happening right now. And right now it’s a little different. And even more different right NOW. It’s informed by the moment that has just occurred and it will never be the same as it ever was.
So for now I’ll lean into the bopping in my foot that has begun as the gift of my Patience playlist keeps giving and Jenny from the Block sings “Waiting for Tonight, ohhhhhh, I’ve dreamed of this love for so long.” Because patience is liminal. It is uncomfortable. And I have to do something with this discomfort in my body.
So I might as well dance a little.
