Maybe the point of a tradition is to create new traditions
Ten years ago, I went to my cousin’s engagement ceremony in Kelantan. During the ceremony, there was a session where the family of the groom discussed with the family of the bride as to when and where the wedding should take place.
I bewilderedly asked my mother, didn’t my cousin already planned with the soon-to-be wife? That the wedding will happen next year at a certain hall? I mean, they even paid for the venue.
My mother answered, “It’s a tradition, where both families acted about how they’re planning the wedding”.
It’s something that bugs me. “We should do this because it’s our tradition”. It’s something that’s taxing my inner pragmatism. I have no problem with traditions. It’s the thing that preserves our identity anyway.
But I have a problem with pointless traditions.
They are pointless not because per se, they are pointless. They are pointless because as a society, we have evolved. They used to be significant. But time has changed, and they are now obsolete.
Why do many Malaysians spend thousands (most of the time in debt) for their wedding, to host hundreds and thousands of people that they don’t know? Most of the time you would hear “because according to our tradition, we need to inform people that the couple have married”.
To inform? Now we have Facebook Live, Instagram, and Periscope to name a few. You can easily inform people you’re married to your partner without spending a single cent.
Yes, I understand that we want to treat our loved ones. But it’s almost impossible to have “500 loved ones” that we’re willing to be in debt just to treat them at our wedding.
If you can afford to do that, go ahead it’s your wedding. But most Malaysians can’t.
My point is, that tradition (hosting neighbours and strangers at our wedding to inform them we’re married) was relevant at a certain time. But that time has passed.
When I talk about pointless tradition, I’m not talking about wearing traditional costumes like songkok or tanjak during your wedding. That is not pointless. The merit of wearing songkok (preserving culture) outweighs its cost. But the same does not apply to ‘being in debt to treat 500 strangers just to inform them you’re married’.
Whatever tradition you’re talking about, it doesn’t exist ab initio. The Proto-Malays migrated to the Malay archipelago around 4000 years ago. Not all traditions were created at the time. It was created gradually, to accommodate the people during their respective times.
For the sake of illustration, let’s say the tradition of hosting strangers was started a thousand years ago. It was started, to accommodate the Malays at that time. Up until that certain tradition is no longer applicable. Up until by following that tradition, it will hinder the people instead of accommodating it. It was not intended to accommodate the Malays perpetually.
Whenever people say “we need to follow our ancestors”, I’d say “yes I will”. But not following my ancestors in the form of whatever they do, but in the substance.
1000 years ago my ancestors followed a tradition because they want the tradition to accommodate them. Today, I shall follow the tradition that will accommodate my society, according to my time.
Maybe the point of a tradition is not to blindly repeat whatever our ancestors did. Maybe the point of a tradition is to create new traditions.
