3 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Former Fat Self
I lost 95 lbs in 2019 after 23 years of trying
If you actually committed to it, you would finally lose the weight.
I’ve spent the last 23 years dieting. “I’ll start on Monday.” was a regular part of my spiel before I started pigging out. I would try to diet at least 3 times a month. I finally found success with a ketogenic lifestyle. I lost 95 pounds in less than a year. All of my other attempts were pathetic, lasting as long as 8 months and as short as an hour.
Hindsight is 20/20 after all. I can see clearly now that I barely tried. I would complain that I couldn’t lose the weight, no matter what I did. I blamed my genetics. I blamed my metabolism.
What I should have blamed was myself and my lack of commitment to something that I knew worked. I always knew keto worked, but it was so hard for me to give up carbs that I would try other insane diets in order to keep them.
You are using being fat as an excuse to hide from the world and its challenges.
I had grand plans for my life after I lost the weight. I would start a new business after my other business failed. After all, I couldn’t be the face of my new company looking the way I did. You need to be confident in order to do that. Once I lost the weight I would put myself out there again professionally.
Other ideas I had were that I’d start a YouTube channel. I’d travel to tropical places that I haven’t enjoyed previously because the heat bothered me when I was obese. I’d buy a bathing suit and wear one for the first time since I was 12 years old. I’d go out more and dress up more. I’d be exuberant and self assured. I’d put myself out there since I would feel good and look good. All I needed to do was lose the weight and I would step into this other universe where I magically became these things.
I wish I could tell my old self that I used being fat as an excuse not to do anything outside my comfort zone. That once I lost 95 lbs I would still be the same person with the same fear, but different excuses.
Your insecurities won’t go away, they’ll just shift to other things.
I am 5'11 and 168 pounds. Technically I am a healthy and “normal” BMI. I wear a size small on top and a size medium on the bottom. I used to be self conscious about the size of my butt and thighs. Now my butt is small, but I have loose skin on my thighs. My body is covered in stretch marks from decades of abuse. I have cellulite. I won’t be wearing a bikini anytime soon.
I used to day dream about losing weight. I spent hours searching the internet for before and after pictures so I could imagine what I might possibly look like when I lost the weight. I used to imagine how happy I would be, how good I would look, all the things I would achieve.
I realize now that everything I thought about how life was going to be once I lost weight was a fantasy. Sure, I am proud I lost the weight. I am healthier and feel more physically capable of doing activities. I fit into clothing better. I no longer get winded doing mundane tasks.
But I am still me, with all the neuroses, and quirks and insecurities. Losing weight hasn’t changed who I am, which I guess is a good thing.
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