9 Tips for Happier Family Meals
Minor changes to transform the experience for everyone
We all want to relax and enjoy the evening.
But for many families, the end of the day is chaotic, demanding and definitely not enjoyable.
Parents are tired from a long day of work. Kids are hungry (and also tired from a long day of schooling).
And someone has to get food on the table. (That’s another topic.)
Whether it be a pizza from the local shop or a crock-pot meal, the feelings of dread often come when families sit down to eat.
It’s where the wheels come off the bus, so to speak.
Frustration peaks, kids refuse to eat, and parents leave the table with feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and failure.
It’s not a happy meal.
9 Tips to Tweak Your Family Mealtime for the Better
Here are some small tweaks for parents who want to add some sparkle to family meals and make them happier for everyone.
1. Nix the Comments about Food and Eating
Kids go on the defensive when they’re criticized for what they eat, how much they’re eating, or the manner in which they’re eating.
Sure, you want to encourage politeness at the table (read #3 below), but nagging a child to eat more, less, or commenting on their “pickiness” won’t get your child to smile and cooperate.
It will do the opposite. Some kids will dig in their heels and engage in oppositional behaviors. Others will take these criticisms on the chin and internalize them.
Kids may develop feelings of inadequacy, a dislike for family meals, and a skewed relationship with food.
Just say nothing about food or your child’s eating.
2. Let Your Child Plate their Own Food
Autonomy is a big thing in child development. Having the ability to choose and direct the outcome feeds into a child’s sense of independence and autonomy.
It’s why kids who plate their own food at mealtime are more likely to eat their dinner and are more pleasant at the table.
One of my favorite ways to help families do this is through family-style meals and deconstructed dinners.
3. Use Your Manners
We want our kids to say “please” and “thank you,” and use other manners like wiping their mouth, chewing with their mouth closed, and being patient while waiting for food.
We have to role model manners, as well. Not simply to show our kids how to behave at the table, but to show respect for them.
When all members at the table are respectful toward one another, harmony at the table increases.
4. Sit at a Table Together
Many families don’t sit together for meals. Parents feed their kids earlier, allow meals in front of the television, in the car, or they eat in other disconnected ways.
Children need adults at the table.
For one, it helps them understand how to behave.
It also provides a model for eating enjoyment, trying a variety of foods, socializing, and communication.
Family meals are one of the few times during the day that children and parents communicate, connect, and vibe as a unit.
5. Drop the Distractions
Tablets, television, video games, and books are all distractions that ride shotgun at the dinner table of many families.
Ironically, parents allow these because they want peace at the table.
But for kids, these distractions take their minds off of how their body is feeling while they’re eating.
Distractions encourage mindless eating.
Mindless eating is associated with overeating, body fat gain, poor food choices, and myriad health conditions.
Ditch the distractions and encourage everyone at the table to focus on the food they’re eating.
6. Keep the Timing Predictable
Have you ever had a child pester you about when it’s time for dinner? Or constantly nag you about food?
A lack of predictability makes us all feel uncertain.
Especially kids. And especially at mealtime.
One of the best things you can do for a child is build in structure to their day.
Meal timing is one easy way to do this.
Have a regular time for dinner and try to stick with it.
7. Offer a Balanced Meal + Options
Mealtime is about the interaction that’s going on, but it’s also about the food that’s served.
I’m not going to guilt you about the components of your family meals, but I will encourage you to keep it simple and balanced. Try to offer something from each food category as much as possible.
(Reminder: the food categories are protein, whole grains, vegetables, fruit and dairy (or non-dairy substitute).)
You don’t have to be a gourmand chef to get a nutritious meal on the table. Your meals can be basic, but options are a must, especially if you have a picky eater in the family.
I advise one or two extra options everyone can eat, but are things your picky eater is able to eat, too. Maybe it’s bread and butter, or a bowl of berries.
8. Assign Mealtime Duties
Parents don’t have to do it all, and they shouldn’t. Assign some regular chores to the children, such as setting the table, clearing the table, loading the dishwasher, wiping down the table and countertops, or washing dishes.
There's so much work that goes into mealtime! Find ways for your children to help.
9. Relax
If you’re relaxed, enjoying mealtime, laughing, conversing, and showing enjoyment of the food you’re eating, your child will do these things, too.
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