Confessions of an Ex-Runner
I haven’t run in 8 months and don’t miss it one bit
In October 2019, I crossed the finish line for my fifth marathon and immediately decided:
“I’m done running.”
In the 8 months between then and me writing this, I have run (best guess) a total less than 10 miles.
And have not regretted it for a day.
I was always a runner.
Over the course of my life thus far, I would most often be labeled a runner. On average, I logged 20–30 miles/week for almost ten years. If I was traveling, I made sure to pack my running shoes.
To be fair, I was never an elite runner. But I’ve always run. I’ve never been the fastest distance runner, but I was usually in the top 10% of a running group.
Growing up, I played soccer and lacrosse, both sports that put a high value on endurance and for which I ran, a lot. I was always running to stay in shape for these sports and keep myself competitive.
Then, in my senior year of high school, I ran track (the 4 x 800m relay was my specialty) and got used to running as a real way of life. Here is also where I caught the running competition bug and started running more and more races.
Races and competition
Although I did win or place in a few, I knew that being a competitive runner wasn’t something that I really wanted to do so I never trained like that. Road races were never something I was interested in competing seriously over.
But still, I loved to run and I ran 3–5 races every fall.
Marathons and long trail races came as a natural evolution, a test of my physical and mental endurance that I could not pass the chance to evaluate for myself. They were there, seemed within reach, and I knew I had to try.
My mantra was seemingly:
It is there and so I must do it.
That time I was in the Army
I did ROTC in college for four years and then served on active duty for eight years. And the “runner” identification strengthened.
Running is a whole culture in the Army. Every morning, thousands of service members across the bases of the US Armed Forces take part in the ritual of physical fitness. And often that is running. When you have dozens of people to try and figure out how to train, often the easiest answer is to just to go on a run together.
Particularly for airborne infantry officers, as I was, running is very much a part of the culture (coincidentally, of the four members of our rival 4 x 800m team in high school, three went on to be Army officers). It was fairly common for your boss or even their boss to ask you to go on a run with them as a way to talk and get to know you. A huge part of my personal “brand” as a young lieutenant was the fact that I was known for being a fast runner.
But running just got miserable
God, the training alone. The training regimen for my last race was having me do 2+ hour runs, 2–3/week.
I don’t even want to have that much time to dedicate just to running.
There’s a lot more I want to be doing with my time than just prepping to be in a race to show myself that I can run. I already know that — extra validation is meaningless at this point.
And I was just exhausted
Ten years ago, a hard run energized me like nothing else. And not just interval training or threshold exercises, but a good solid 40-minute run would leave me feeling like I was on top of the world.
But that stopped.
I get a part of that, but not like I used to. A long run left me feeling more drained than energized
These days, I need some weights to get that same feeling. I need a hard lift or a HIIT session with some kettlebells to regain that same feeling. My routine shifted from a morning run to a session of weights and short sprints. These days, the furthest I typically run a single go is 100 meters.
My body desires a new way to work and experience induced stress, and running just doesn’t do it for me.
I reevaluated what success meant to me
I knew that if I kept running, I couldn’t help but try to keep going further. My times were never going to set records or get me placed in major events, but I saw the distances and would think, “why not?”
But then I started thinking, “why do I care?”
Many want to know that they can do it. Frankly, I know I can. I have no doubt that if I dedicated my effort and stayed disciplined on a training program, things for which I know I am well-suited, that I would surely be able to do it. I felt confident that I could prepare myself to run a 50-miler, or a 100-miler, or maybe a 100-miler in the mountains, or maybe a 100-miler in the mountains in the desert at night.
But why?
I know I can do hard things. My time in the military taught me that. But what do I or anyone else get out of me spending months of time and effort to prepare for a race get?
I’m not knocking runners
We all have our own desires and paths we want to follow.
If you are still feeling your best physical self is developed through running, by all means keep grinding.
If you feel accomplished and rewarded from completing a marathon or an ultra, then keep running.
Me, I just started feeling tired.
So I stopped.
