How Running Saved Me
And how I got hooked
As I lined up to go through the security checkpoint at London’s Heathrow Airport, with only 3 people in front of me, my heart rate suddenly started to climb, my left arm went numb, everything started spinning and for a moment I thought I was actually going to pass out. Just as I was about to fall flat on the floor, I managed to grab on to the poll in front of me and stabilise myself. The kind woman in front of me noticed what was going on and just by chatting with me for a few minutes, helped me get through security with no further issues. Unfortunately, it wasn’t over. Not understanding what was going on or knowing what to do, in a state of panic, I reached for my phone and called anyone I could think of for advice. I can only imagine what I must have sounded like! After speaking with a few people including my husband and my best friend, I managed to get some food and water in me, which helped a little.
But it still wasn’t over. As I was walking down the bridge towards the plane, my heart rate began to increase again getting worse with every step I took. Pushing through and doing everything in my power to distract myself, I got into my seat, pulled out a book from my bag and started reading. I must have read the same two pages at least 50 times, but after an hour and a half in the air, I finally arrived in Copenhagen airport. Phew, I was relieved! Needless to say though, I had a terrible evening and night.
At the time and for a long time after, I was convinced that there was something wrong with me, that I had some sort of condition that I would have to live with for the rest of my life. However, as you may have guessed, this was no medical condition but a full blown panic attack from beginning to end. My very first one, and unfortunately not the last. In fact, this was just the beginning of a long battle with anxiety, more panic attacks and what I now know was a depression.
BUT WHY ON EARTH DID THIS HAPPEN?!!
Well, let me backtrack a little. Only 20 hours prior to this incident, I was getting ready to meet a friend who was in town for a conference. Excited to catch up with my friend, who I hadn’t seen in a long time, and only having to endure a half day at work the next day before flying back to Denmark, I was ready for a great night.
That great night turned into quite the binger and I didn’t get to bed until 2am. Because I was leaving work early the next day to catch my flight to Denmark, and faced with major client deadlines (at the time I was an auditor), I was in the office at 6am to make sure I could get things done. Stressed out of my mind, with no time for breakfast or lunch (all I managed to get in me was a diet coke in the office), I got everything done! Of course, looking back now, I clearly see why my body reacted the way it did in Heathrow Airport.
At that point in my life, late night binges and lack of sleep was not unusual. In fact, my whole lifestyle had been a series of unintentional self-destructive behaviours for a number of years, that ultimately lead to this horrific incident. I was smoking, I ate plenty of junk food, drank way too much alcohol, and I had a stressful job. But on this particular day, my body (and mind) had finally reached breaking point and refused to take any more abuse. Unfortunately, it took me a few more years to adjust my behaviour.
Fast forward 5 years, and I complete the Wimbledon Half Marathon in May 2017 in 2 hours 1 minute and 22 seconds — an average pace of 9:16 per mile. This was the very first race I had ever completed, and between the runner’s high I got from completing it, the excitement during training and leading up to the race, and the fact that I was so close to completing it in less than 2 hours, I was hooked and I wanted more!
The 5 years leading up to this point had not been easy, but through hard work of self-exploration while slowly changing behaviour, I managed to turn my life around. I became obsessed with health. I started meditating, I changed eating habits, I stopped drinking and quit smoking, and the one thing that probably had the biggest impact was when I started to run. I should say that I had a very active childhood playing every sport you can think of, so being active wasn’t new to me. However, after many years of excessive drinking and smoking mixed in with a sedentary lifestyle, any form of exercise is hard, regardless of your past and it feels like starting from scratch. I felt completely free for the first time in a very long time, I started feeling much happier and my confidence was growing — of course, I now know that exercising releases chemicals called endorphins which triggers positive feelings in the body and mind — and that sense of freedom sent me down a completely new path. I wanted to become the healthiest and strongest version of myself!
Which leads me to my current situation. I am in the process of planning and training to run 12 Marathons within 12 months. I am beyond excited about this challenge! In November 2019, I completed my first full Marathon in Philadelphia. Not only did I complete it, I did so in 3 hours 43 minutes and 26 seconds — an average pace of 8:32 per mile and a great improvement on my half Marathon. Completing this race was the biggest challenge of my life and the sense of achievement, freedom and pride I felt from not only finishing, but doing so in such a good time, was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. And that’s where my idea of running 12 Marathons in 12 months came from. In fact, I had already decided on that challenge a few weeks prior to race day. The sheer excitement from training for a race had me planning for fitness challenges for years to come. And the 12 Marathons in 12 months is only the beginning. I am now on a mission to see how much strain my body can take without breaking.
So how is this all connected? Well, I have realised that having a clear goal and target for my training really keep me focused and helps me to live healthily and mindfully. I’ve also learned that while having a clear goal or objective is helpful and can be motivating, what really matters is the journey towards that goal. It is important to keep in mind though, that outcomes can change. Because we change. Often when we set out to achieve something, somewhere along the way we feel a shift inside, or we hit a roadblock that causes us to change course. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Often it turns out even better than the original objective however, it all depends on your attitude and openness to change.
For more information on securing the change you seek, check out this blog I wrote for The Myndful Truth publication.
I honestly never thought that I would or even could complete a full Marathon. Of course what we can do is only limited by our own beliefs. Overcoming many of my own limiting beliefs and fears have shaped a life that I never thought possible. Helping others do the same has become my obsession and I live for the kick I get from seeing my clients achieve what they once thought impossible.
