CULTURE / CHINESE CULTURE / TRADITION /THE PENNY PUB
Qingming Festival: A Day to Commemorate My Demised Parents
Hey, Mom and Dad in the afterlife, here I am to visit you
What is Qingming Festival (清明节, Qīngmíngjié)?
This is a day when the Chinese family visits their ancestors’ graves. They’ll clean the headstone, place offerings, and perform some prayer rituals as a way to pay respect to their demised next of kin.
Therefore, it’s also called Tomb ‘Sweeping’ Day, or (扫墓节, sǎomùjié), which carries the meaning of ‘cleaning’.
This is a major festival and it’s a public holiday in mainland China, Hong Kong, and Taiwan. It’s also celebrated by East Asian Chinese communities such as in Singapore, Malaysia, the Philippines, etc.
It falls on the 15th day after the Spring Equinox, it is either the 4th, 5th, or 6th of April in a given year. The Chinese have a long tradition emphasizing the value of filial piety and the importance of respecting ancestors.
A special day in April
Hey, Dad and Mom,
How are you over there in the afterlife?
Here I am, early in the morning, on this special day — Qingming Festival. A day specially dedicated to visiting both of you at this double-slot burial grave.
Time flies. Dad has been buried here for the past eighteen years. As for Mom, this is the third year.
I’ll never forget your burial day, Mom. I’ll never forget the day when your coffin was carried by the COVID-19 designated hospital mortuary staff for the burial. They were in full-body protective gear, with the disinfect sprayer to cleanse themselves afterward.
On top of your coffin, there was a yellow colored special Taoist Talisman. I guess this special talisman is for your protection in your afterlife. Because you passed away from COVID-19, not an ordinary passing.
This must be the advice given by monks from the burial management company we hired. I was too distressed to know about these details.
We all observed the burial process from afar, at least six meters away, just like how we were prohibited from getting near to you after you tested positive. It was at the height of the pandemic. We all were wearing a face mask and obeying the rule of individual distancing.
The ritual
Hey, Dad and Mom,
I’ve brought some simple offerings — your favorite food and desserts, tea, Chinese liquor (白酒, báijiǔ), flowers, fruits, and traditional steamed cake. Of course, not forgetting the various types of joss sticks and joss papers.
I hope I remember the sequence of the ritual correctly, always keep in mind to serve the ‘Tudigong’(The Earth Deity) as a priority.
Firstly, I shall light and place the joss sticks at his ‘guardhouse’ to thank him for guarding your tombstone. Then I light the three different joss sticks for you so that you know I’m here visiting you.
After that, I serve the offerings to The Earth Deity first before serving you. Always serve the tea first before the liquor.
I hope those joss papers are sufficient for you to live a comfortable life over there. Timing is important here — I must do it before the main joss sticks burn to half.
A tint of sadness
This was the first time I didn’t come with my brothers’ family for this annual event in the past decades. Being single, according to tradition, I should have joined them. Instead, I came with my elder sister, who came to pay respect to her deceased husband, who was also buried nearby.
The sibling relationship dynamic changed after both parents were gone. Mom, the last thread that bound us together, was broken after her demise.
It didn’t come as a surprise. There was a history of discord in the past decade among the seven siblings between Camp Brother and Camp Sister.
I’m sure Dad and Mom would be sad about this situation. But such is life. I do hope things will turn for the better in the future for us.
You may want to check out the kung fu legend Bruce Lee on his philosophy mind below! Chinese martial arts is another significant tradition in Chinese culture.
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