MUSIC OH, MY HELL NO, TOP FIVE
The Top Five Songs That I Absolutely Cannot Stand
A story prompt inspired by Christine Schoenwald’s list of songs that really bug her
I had so many songs that I could’ve added to this list. I really don’t like a lot of Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, and Taylor Swift songs. I like some of Taylor’s new music but a lot of her mid-2010s generic pop didn’t really resonate with me and I could’ve easily added some of that to this list. For the list I’m presenting today, I’m going to go for the absolutely most annoying and ear-piercing songs that I could think of.
5. “Moves Like Jagger” — Maroon 5 ft Christina Aguilera
The worst part about this is that I liked Maroon 5 and I like Christina Aguilera separately. Together on this song, they take the earworm and overly catchy song that starts to annoy you to the next level. I thought it was a cool song when I first heard it but after about the 100th listen, I was already tired of hearing it.
It didn’t help the fact that much of Adam Levine’s and Maroon 5’s music past this point started declining. I was inspired by Adam Levine early on in my 20s while pursuing a music career but now I’m just thoroughly annoyed with him, especially since his terrible Super Bowl halftime show a few years ago. This song right here really feels like it was the start of the decline of the band for me. And, no, he doesn’t have moves like Mick Jagger, why, just why?!
4. “Disco Duck” — Rick Dees
If you’re a bit younger and born after the disco era was at its peak, you may have been able to completely avoid this trainwreck of a song from the 1970s. The whole premise is ridiculous. You’re singing about a duck with ducks on stage. How high was Rick Dees when he recorded this song and the album that accompanied it? I imagine he was probably sitting down watching cartoons while smoking some green and thought that it would be a great idea to sing about disco and ducks. If the vocals weren’t annoying enough, I heard that this song played on the radio back then and was very popular. If I would’ve heard the quacking and all of the nonsense, I would’ve just turned off the radio or the TV if it came on. I absolutely do not get this song and can’t stand it for even a few seconds. Judge for yourself.
3. “Baby” — Justin Bieber ft Ludacris
Okay, maybe I’m just too old to get the appeal of Justin Bieber in general. This song is probably the worst earworm he ever recorded and it was while he was still an annoying up-and-coming teenage pop star. I like Ludacris too and it sucks that I have to hear him in a song that I absolutely despise. The repetitive use of the title word in the lyrics is enough to drive me insane but throw on top of that the lack of vocal talent and prepubescent tone to his voice just takes it over the top for me. So, Usher supposedly discovered Justin Bieber on YouTube singing when he was a kid in Canada? Usher should’ve kept all of that to himself. He unleashed a monster on the world and we’ve all had to endure it ever since. I could’ve probably stuffed this whole list full of Bieber songs but even I don’t want to have to make everyone hear him that many times.
2. “Friday” — Rebecca Black
Rebecca Black was another “talent” found on YouTube that should’ve stayed undiscovered until she was ready to be good. Surprisingly, I heard her a couple of years ago on the show “The Five” and her voice has improved so much since “Friday”. I love seeing an improvement and commitment to talent like that. Anyway, before she was talented, she was in a very badly produced and autotuned song called “Friday”. Every time I hear this song, I want to pull my hair out and wonder if it’s Friday so I can scream that this song came out at the wrong time just to have something to complain about. The song is bad lyrically, vocally, and in almost every way possible. This song would’ve been number one if another song hadn’t come out well after it that definitely deserves to be at the top of this list.
1. “Baby Shark” — Pinkfong
Yeah, if you know music, you had to know that this one was coming. I get that this song is designed for kids and isn’t really for adults to enjoy but this song is terrible for kids as well. What is the point of this song, even? They just keep repeating the members of a shark family emphasizing the baby, mom, and dad sharks. What if a child sees a “cute” shark in the water? Are they going to try to get those things to sing to them before they eat them dead? I’m just saying that there is no practical use for this song in the real world. How about these companies that produce these songs actually try to teach children something useful and not just name family members in the animal kingdom? That’d be great. The worst part is when this song was at the height of its popularity, even if you didn’t like it, you couldn’t get it out of your head and would sometimes sing it to anyone who would listen.
Here’s my list of songs that I absolutely hate and cannot stand. Thank you to Christine Schoenwald. I’d also like to invite Ann Christine Tabaka, Adrienne Beaumont, and Brett Jenae Tomlin to come up with songs that annoy them as well.
Christine’s story:
