A Prayer
To Change What I Cannot Alone
I am now with You. Higher Power. Chi, God, Allah, The Universe; All of which are here with me. Watching me from the moment I was created. I am grateful to you for my life. For my healthy body, for my beautiful mind, I am grateful to you for my life, for my caring, wise, loving parents. I thank you for my siblings, Ruba. Nabil. Karim. I thank you for everything and everyone that came into my life. I thank you for the privileges I have; the time granted to me; the wealth I have, the home that keeps me safe; the knowledge, and all the beautiful stories I have and will have.
I haven’t been myself for so many years. I am only fully understanding this now. I have been betraying myself for fifteen years. I have been angry. I have been guilty, I have been confused, I have been overwhelmed. I hurt people without my intention. I doubt my abilities because I think I will fail. My self-confidence is lacking. Sometimes I just want to run away from my self. Sometimes I just want to disappear.
I blamed others for my unhappiness: my brother, my colleagues, my ex, my dad, my mom. I blamed myself too, So much. I overthink. I get lost in my head and in my emotions. It hurts.
I know You are here with me, even though I sometimes neglect You. I do not feel guilt towards You: You are the only thing that I purely love.
I feel helpless. I am always struggling between who I am and who I think I am. I am distracted by so much, and by so little! I know I have so much to give, I am excited about what’s to come. My power is inside me somewhere — but I am also afraid of change. I feel guilt towards my parents. I am afraid of losing them. I am afraid of regretting not spending enough time with them. I am terrified of time. I am afraid of waking up old and weak, and feeling like I haven’t accomplished much in my life. I am scared of regret.
This is who I really am, God.This is what I really think of, God. This is my mask off. This is me in all my shame and nakedness.I admit that I am what I have been hiding. This is what I want to change. This is what I will surrender.
Allah, God, The Universe. in all Your infinite wisdom, endless possibilities, and unconditional love: You are The All-Forgiving All-Powerful Eternal Force in my life. You are capable of fathoming the unfathomable; of thinking the unthinkable; of imagining the unimaginable. God, I surrender my self to you completely and full heartedly. I hand you my guilt. I hand you my guilt. I hand you my guilt. I surrender to Your intelligence. I surrender to Your wisdom. I hand you my doubts and confusions. I hand you my doubts and confusions. I hand you my doubts and confusion. You are the All-Knowing All-Mighty. You created me and only You are capable of changing me. I am in complete surrender to You. I am in complete surrender to You. I am in complete surrender to You. I am forever in Love with You and Your compassion and infinite love.
Thank you for the gift of life you have bestowed on me. Keep me safe. Keep my peaceful. Keep me positive. Keep me Joyful.
