President Obama Apologizes For His Obamacare Claims/(NBC Photo)

The Art of the Apology

Saying “Sorry” Isn’t So Easy

There were two high-profile apologies in the news this week — by the Leader of the Free World and by a Man Who Makes Yoga Pants.

Neither was well executed and neither was well received.

Let’s start with President Obama, who offered his belated apology on the rollout of the federal health exchange at the heart of the Affordable Care Act. After more than five weeks of shifting stories, blame and timelines, the president sat down with Chuck Todd to say “I’m sorry” for repeatedly saying some variation of, “If you like your health plan, you can keep it. Period.”

Sort of.

“I am sorry that they are finding themselves in this situation based on assurances they got from me,” he told NBC News. “We’ve got to work hard to make sure that they know we hear them and we are going to do everything we can to deal with folks who find themselves in a tough position as a consequence of this.”

Critics quickly and loudly objected to the president’s use of passive voice — and the fact that he claimed people found themselves with cancelled plans “based on assurances they got from me.” They pointed out that it wasn’t the assurances that cancelled the plans; it was the way Obama’s administration wrote the regulations that required insurance companies to cancel the plans.

In short, Obama didn’t own the cause of the pain. He only apologized for the “assurances” (which, by almost all accounts, are better known as “lies”).

Now, the Man Who Makes Yoga Pants.

Lululemon founder Chip Wilson got in hot water for blaming women’s bodies for well-publicized problems with his company’s yoga clothes, including see-through pants and pilling:

“Even our small sizes would fit an extra large, it’s really about the rubbing through the thighs, how much pressure is there … over a period of time, and how much they use it,” he said.

Well, then.

This, of course, led to a predictable backlash — particularly on the company’s Facebook page, where women shared their views of the company and Wilson’s basically saying “You’re too fat to wear our clothes.”

Here’s one picked at random:

After the lack of respect for customers that Chip Wilson portrayed in his interview, I will never purchase anything from Lululemon again, nor will my daughters. A much better & more stylish product from an American company is Zella. Everyone check it out.

Properly chagrined, Wilson apologized:

“I’m sad. I’m really sad. I’m sad for the repercussions of my actions. I’m sad for the people of Lululemon who I care so much about that have really had to face the brunt of my action. I take responsibility for all that has occurred and the impact it has had on you. I’m sorry to have put you through all this.”

Wait, what? Wilson isn’t sorry for calling the women who made Lululemon a $1.4 billion company “fatties.” Instead, he’s sorry to the “people of Lululemon.” (I believe they are commonly known as Lululemonians.)

Wilson’s apology is actually significantly worse than President Obama’s apology. Obama apologized for the wrong thing, but it was still remarkable for a president to go on national television and apologize in the heat of a huge political fight.

Wilson? He apologized to the wrong people (Lululemonians) — and for the wrong thing (the impact his fat-shaming had on the good Lululemonians).Double failure.

So how should you handle an apology? First, an apology isn’t always warranted. Sometimes you or your organization is being criticized because opponents or critics simply don’t like you (politics) or what you do (food companies, for example).

But if you believe you have truly done wrong or that an apology is the only way to move forward, here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Be clear. Own it and get it behind you. If you don’t want to say “I’m sorry,” simply acknowledge you were wrong.
2. Don’t wallow in the past. There’s no need to rehash everything you did wrong. We all know. That’s why you’re apologizing.
3. Keep it short. The old adage “If you’re explaining, you’re losing” is absolutely true. Get in, get out, and get on to …
4. Look ahead. Close with a promise to work every day to regain and rebuild the trust and confidence of customers, constituents or other interested parties.

With that, put it behind you and don’t let yourself or your organization be defined by the grievances of others. Critics will criticize. That’s what they do.

You need to get on with whatever it is you do — whether it is leading the free world or selling yoga pants to women, no matter their shape.