2020 & FINDING GRATEFULNESS

The suffering in 2020 was indeed great. I can’t imagine how I would be right now, had the Lord not sent the Holy Spirit to save me, to get me through the storms that seemed to have no end. The magnitude of a trying year would have truly been unbearable to walk alone, and I am grateful that God led me not to grow weary. My awareness of what was happening in the world around me was not lost, although many times I had to shut it off, for my own peace of mind.

I’ve not tried to pour my energy into my gratefulness journals, it seems to just come, with an eagerness on my part to write. I remain intentional in trying my best to apply the lessons, which is a daily challenge that faithfully and expectedly shows up, as life is the lesson. I’ve watched myself fail, when I’ve lost it and I’ve watched myself love, when I’ve both given and received it. I’ve cried enough tears to drench my soul, but there hasn’t been a day that I have forgotten how much I need the Lord in my life, since my new journey began. I don’t know if any changes are visible to the naked eye just yet, I suppose there is still much more work on the inside that needs to be done, before a microscope is no longer needed to see sustainable change.

My worries about the new year should not be. I feel a level of hope and promise, and dare I say, excitement. I’m looking forward to leaving some personal baggage behind, that I’ve let go, with the hope of never carrying again. There will be baggage that others bring into 2021 that I won’t carry either, but will be familiar because they will look the same; the waterfall of racism, hate and bigotry runs as strong as the Niagara Falls, although, even that world wonder takes a pause, when it freezes in a lifetime.

With intention…I bring trust into the new year and leave behind fear; hope & promise and leave behind anxiety & doubt; respect & love and leave behind a spiteful tongue & unkind words; forgiveness & friendship and leave behind uncertainty & hopelessness. On my journey, I bring the teachings and lessons that I scribed. I bring a sound mind and my faith in God. I bring that which reflects the Fruit of the Spirit, and leave behind that which does not. I bring patience, clarity, wisdom and a desire to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. I leave perfection behind, and with courage, I bring vulnerability, acceptance of my failures and the strength to keep trying, again and again. I bring gratefulness for the small things and the not-so-small. I bring the excitement of waking up to experience “morning again”, as I remember Ari’s enthusiasm to see another day, because her yesterday was so good.

I take with me space between the notes, and the stillness that comes with it. I bring a willingness to listen, learn and to laugh often. I bring into 2021 my best self of 2020, and the lens to see others in the same way. As I continue to put one foot in front of the other, life’s journey continues…and for this I am grateful for another chance to try again, as the sun rises, offering God’s promise of a brighter day.