Why Do We Tiptoe Around Our Own Expertise?

I had a conversation with a colleague recently about imposter syndrome; specifically how women have this knee-jerk response where we edit ourselves, make ourselves smaller, and act like our own intelligence and expertise are eggshells we have to tiptoe around.

Why do we do this? (the data)

The numbers behind imposter syndrome in women is staggering.

• 75% of executive women identified having experienced imposter syndrome (KPMG)
• 56% of women are afraid people around them will not find them as capable as expected (KPMG)
• Women will typically only apply for a job if they meet 100% of the requirements whereas men will apply if they meet 60% (HP report)

And according to the BBC “corporate culture exacerbates the problem of imposter syndrome, particularly for women.” Aka when our environments mirror our anxieties, imposter syndrome blossoms.

Again, the stats back that up:

• Men hold 62% of manager-level positions, while women hold just 38% (BBC)
• 32% of women do not know others in a similar place to them personally or professionally (KPMG)

How does it show up?

Imposter syndrome takes many forms:

• How you show up at work (what do I wear, how do I present myself?)
• How you speak in meetings (did that sound too bossy? am I smart enough?)
• How you write emails (if I add exclamation points and smiley faces, will I come across as easier to work with?)

The one that impacted me the most in my early career (2016–2017) was how I felt at the end of a workday. 8 hours of editing myself in the office left me unsure as to who my professional self actually was.

Despite the nature of these intrusive thoughts, I never had anyone say these things to me — it was all based on my perception of perfection and who I thought I should be.

So, what can we do about it? (the advice)

Here are a few great exercises I learned in therapy that might help you as well! (Also highly recommend therapy in general if it’s in your budget.)

1️⃣ Fact-check intrusive thoughts. Imposter syndrome has the tendency to create an alternate reality in which you paint yourself in the worst light every time. But usually you’re the only one saying these negative things to yourself!
And the most important part: you’re not a reliable source.

2️⃣ CBT Triangle. This exercise forces you to examine how your own thoughts influence your feelings and actions, rather than your environment. I’ve filled out this worksheet many times and have consistently been astonished by how many times I get in my own way.

Conclusion

Ultimately, there’s no magic wand that can get rid of your imposter syndrome. It takes work (and sometimes lots of therapy), time, and stopping those intrusive thought patterns before they spiral you out.

Do you experience imposter syndrome? Has it gotten better as you’ve grown in your career? Did these exercises help? Let me know in the comments!

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