Always You in Cherry Blossoms
For me at least, there has never been a sense of preparedness before hitting a wall. I had known for a long time what these tiny petals would trigger in me.
And still, as I walk along the river, as I am showered with pink tears (for grey clouds and drizzle could not prevent their season), the only way I can try to defend myself against this emptiness is clinging to the balustrade with my shaking hands.
My longing brings me back to you, to the shape of your cheeks, your knowing asymmetrical smile, your gentle kiss.
Because the loudest messages of my heart are the ones I never shared.
During those days when the distance between us increased, s l o w l y — when you were running so fast in front of me that I couldn’t hope to keep up with you.
Now,
I see your reflection in the cold embrace of these dying cherry blossoms. As you have always been — the shape of a dream beyond my reach.
Knowing the speed of their fall can never take away the mystery that fills their hidden pain; not as they surround me, swallow me; not as those words are forever loud and clear within the humming of the radio in every convenience store across this archipelago.
「いつでも捜してしまう・・・」
Cut off from your warmth, I have been chasing different shadows, hoping they would claim me as their own. But just as these cherry blossoms turn into fresh soil for future weeds, I am growing without purpose,
without relief.
In a few days, when all of these tiny petals (each and every one of them) will die, will they ever truly be gone? Or will they leave lasting imprints on my heart? Just as you did — on that peaceful Bornean summer morning many years ago.
(「いつでも捜してしまう・・・」is taken from Masayoshi Yamazaki’s song “One More Time, One More Chance” and translates to: “I always end up looking for you…” It was featured as the ending theme in the film「 秒速5センチメートル」[“Five Centimeters Per Second”].)
