easy. breezy. beautiful cornered gurl AKA all up in my bones

Tre L. Loadholt
Apr 24, 2016 · 2 min read
“And, God said, Let there be light… And, it was good.”

He useta call me baby, that was his way
Until he had to leave. I was 12.

12-years-old, wondering what I did wrong.
No one could tell me.

Wasn’t old enough to be in the middle
Of grown folks’ speak

And, as a Southerner,
You listen


to your elders.

You heed their advice.

So, I thought
my light had faded
Cuz if Daddy wasn’t calling me baby no more,

Who else would?

My Mom was piecing together our puzzled lives.
We were the church feature;
the company billboard for broken homes.

They wanted me to tell the boys,
To let my brothers know our family had collapsed.

But, how could I?

I was still trying to figure out who was gonna call me baby.
I was still trying to find the reason

why he had to leave.

"Mom, what did I do?"

In the funk of a lead-ridden home, my words were useless.
They did not exist.

But, I did.

I still lived amongst the shadows of decrees and halves;

"You’ll get them on this weekend,
I’ll get them on this weekend,"

And, so on
and
furthermore.

We were split in two.
Halves of a whole.
Soon to be halves of a half.

Quartered

19 years later, another girl was born.
You know her well...

She’s 16, now. You’ve had more years with her.
You don’t forget her age.

She doesn’t have to remind you.

It’s better this way. She gives you purpose.
She doesn’t question

why you left

cuz she doesn’t have to.

And, maybe,

that’s why
We’re estranged.

That’s why we’re still holding on,

No.
That’s why I’m still holding on

to pain.
And

the moment you’ll once again call me baby.

Special thanks to Savanna D'Amato for knowing which buttons to push.

In Two Minds

Expansive, safe space held for voices that dare to subvert…

In Two Minds

Expansive, safe space held for voices that dare to subvert in order to create and explore in the name of love and growth. Voices that move beyond fear to straddle two (or more) spheres at once. Come play.

Tre L. Loadholt

Written by

I am more than breath & bones. I am nectar in waiting. Editor PSILY •You write like a jagged, beautiful dream. ©Martha Manning •https://acorneredgurl.com

In Two Minds

Expansive, safe space held for voices that dare to subvert in order to create and explore in the name of love and growth. Voices that move beyond fear to straddle two (or more) spheres at once. Come play.

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