An open letter to Mr. Parameshwara

Or what I want to say to every one who blames women for the action of men.

Dear Mr. Parameshwara,

Here’s a photo of me, walking on the streets of Phi Phi Island, a little slice of heaven in Thailand – a country that has embraced many Western customs, just like we have in India

So sir, I wanted to share a photo of mine with you from my recent trip. This photo is from earlier this week when I’d just finished taking a dip in the ocean & was strolling back to the hotel. As my best friend clicked it, she made a joke saying “imagine if this was India…” and I laughed, as we always do at the “outrageous” idea of being comfortable with your body in our own country. Or as most people in India would say, being “shamelessly naked”. We sometimes laugh about it, not out of humour but more out of irony. But then I heard about Bangalore… I couldn’t laugh anymore. It made my blood boil. I thought it must’ve made your blood boil too, but then I found an article where you’ve apparently said “”During days like New Year or Christmas Day, there are women who are harassed or treated badly. We take precautionary measures. But unfortunately, on days like New Year, a large number of youngsters gather on Brigade Road, Commercial Street and MG Road. And youngsters are almost like westerners. They try to copy the west, not only in their mindset but even in their dressing. So some disturbance, some girls are harassed, these kinds of things do happen,”.

Some disturbances? Some girls? Bound to happen? Excuse me, sir? If that statement right there is what our Indian culture is, then this is me officially resigning myself from any cultural associations hereafter. If the mass molestation, humiliation and harassment of women (who weren’t even “shamelessly naked” like I am in the picture) who were out on New Year’s eve in skirts or jeans, celebrating a common festivity, is something that “is bound to happen”, then I am deeply sorry but I’m beginning to not see any beauty left in my culture. You blame it all on “The West” even though in “The West” is where people are more free to dress the way they want, be comfortable in their own skin – and not be raped for it.

People here in Phi Phi, most of them my age, are usually up all night drinking, partying, watching sports, working in Bars, and dressing exactly the way I do. Where I grew up, in Australia (another extremely warm & multicultural country), the youth can drink, smoke, creating a ‘nuisance’ as you’d call it, and while I agree rapes happen in all of these places too, I can also tell you that I’ve never once walked down the street feeling unsafe.

Never have I been groped, insulted, abused, or looked at with pure disrespect. Does that mean boys don’t check me out? Of course they do, but is checking out a girl the same as looking at her as though she’s a whore? No sir. It isn’t. You may argue that a girl who is okay with being ‘checked out’ in the first place clearly is welcoming some harassment, but that’s exactly the whole point of this letter.

You say that when we “westernise” our minds & our clothes, when we drink alcohol, work late hours, have relationships, we’re opening doors to molestation and rape because we’re going against our culture? Being a well travelled girl that I consider myself to be, I’ve seen plenty of cultures around the world, some orthodox & plenty western, and within those cultures I’ve seen women that have freedom and safety – and if I’m going against my culture by being Me, please tell me what is my culture? What exactly does it say?

Does my culture say that when a girl’s midriff in a Saree is showing she should be raped? Or when she wears a lehenga every boy on the street has the right to touch her stomach? In my culture, a man has the right to squeeze my breasts, forcefully shut my mouth, pull my hair, rip my blouse, bruise me while I scream, and put his penis inside me just because this morning I wore a pair of shorts and my legs were visible? With all due respect Sir, what’s then there to love about this culture of mine where women are put on such a high pedestal that if we ever choose to take a step down from being goddesses to becoming human, we fall straight to the ground onto mass molestation?

A woman’s choice of clothes is NOT a reason for her to be molested (and really there is NO reason ever). I am maybe not as educated as you are, but from one human to another, here’s what I think is the problem; you’re no longer raising men, you’re not raising humans, you’re raising beasts that are taught not to respect a girl or her freedom of choice. Beasts that believe such girls need to be “taught a lesson” and simultaneously you’re raising either women that themselves are petrified and uncomfortable OR women that you call “Feminazis”.. When you have “Mass Molestation” incidents in cities like Bangalore & they are followed by political statements like the one above, you do not have the right to question why many women are so angry/defensive/man-hating. You don’t have the right to say “not all men are the same” because unfortunately, it doesn’t matter. The repercussions of something like this are so strong that it just doesn’t matter.

I hear the whole country telling young girls to not wear skirts to school, to not travel alone at night, to cross their legs, but why aren’t you telling our boys to not rape? Why is protection of women in the form of being guarded by a man at all times, and being locked up in a house post 8 pm, when men are the ones raping? For the safety of civilians, do you let criminals, terrorists, psychopaths roam loose and put civilians in the jail? Every time I enter a party where a man tells me, “don’t go alone it’s not safe” why is it not okay for me to tell my fellow male friends, “don’t go alone this late, you may rape a girl”.

Every day, I am struggling to fight for the women of my country, every single day that I spend trying to inspire young girls to be comfortable in their own skin and love themselves and stand up for themselves – is going to waste. What good are my words, if their decision to be themselves ends up in sexual harassment? Our women are being molested, burnt alive, killed at birth, raped, murdered, and that’s not ‘some disturbance’, these things aren’t ‘going to happen’ – because they shouldn’t.

That, sir, is a slap on the face of culture you’re so proud of. That sir, is a slap on the face of every woman that has ever been born in our country – but then again, I guess we deserve to be slapped right back into patriarchy to save our dying culture, don’t we?