If Nipples could talk
I recently wrote a post called “Life is a Bra…” on Instagram and talked about issues regarding society’s views on women, especially when it comes to the double standards of the Great Shame of the Exposed Bra-strap. And lo’ behold, it resonated with a lot of you, hundreds of thousands related with it and it took a life of it’s own with online discussions, Facebook debates, TOI and Buzzfeed weighed in — holy fucking crap! But I’m not writing this follow up to pat ourselves on the back for talking about this issue, no, this is to all those that ALMOST understood my point, but completely misunderstood what the #FreeTheNipple hashtag is about.
Firstly, as much as I’d love to take credit for it, #FreeTheNipple is not something I came up with. No, #FreeTheNipple is a movement that grew out of a gender equality campaign that was the result of Lina Esco’s 2014 film called, you guessed it, “Free the nipple”. To some detractors who have commented, do you really believe that “freeing” the nipple suggests we go naked in front of our fathers and brothers? Or lift my top & say “Look dad, boobs!”. Of course not.
So let me explain. #FreeTheNipple simply argues that men and women should be granted the same freedoms, and protection, under the law. The campaign is asking for gender equality and opposing sexual objectification. But I should’ve known. Asking for equality? What am I thinking? A woman… a young woman… a young woman who works in television… asking for fucking equality? She must be a “pseudo feminist!” An “attention seeking slut!” A “bitch!” Or that just because I wrote about girls feeling comfortable in their lingerie, one gentleman suggested that I’m a “shameless whore that should now flaunt used condoms publicly as well”. Wow, stuff like that makes you wonder whether to laugh or cry.
So first, let us all take a moment of silence for all those that read the word nipple and immediately related it to sexual. They brought up boners, used condoms, sex and my “shamelessness”. That’s right, you’re the one who can’t see a nipple (or even just the word) and control yourself, but I’m the shameless one. As sad as that is, I’m just glad you don’t work as a logician.
Second, a huge sigh of relief, the post got everyone talking about things that are really really important — freedom AND equality. All because I said the dreaded ‘n word’ — nipple! If this is the effect it has, heck I’ll start saying it every day.
I clearly made a lot of you feel really uncomfortable with my idea of women being comfortable with their own bodies (take a moment to wrap your head around that). A lot of women, surprisingly, weren’t okay with it. A lot of men hated it. But hey, a lot of you, a huge fucking lot of you — loved it, supported it and shared it to start a conversation with your friends.
I read a lot of comments from people.
One guy, Biswajit from St. Xaviers Kolkota, said “No no don’t wear any bra… hung ur tampons as lockets.. wear sanitary pads like hats.. wear ur panties like superman…. What else??” (sic, obviously).
Really dear Biswajit? Really?? Because I held out my bra and said “Here. This is what it is. All it does is covers my boobs. Get over it. Be comfortable with it”. It makes you want to tell me that I should hang my tampons as lockets? Firstly, thanks for proving my point. Secondly, that’s horrid, I really hope you don’t say it to the women in your life.
There were many other comments — I can’t cover them all. They ranged from crude name calling to vile hatred (trust me, my mother is terrified right now). One theme stuck out at me — “Feminism isn’t about showing your bras and panties, it’s about bigger issues like equality”. Firstly, we agree. Secondly, you missed the point. Talking about being objectified for your body and being raped/assaulted/harassed/abused on the basis of your attire IS talking about equality. Isn’t the way women are “looked at” one of the basic inequalities we deal with in day to day life?
Cover them up, so men can concentrate. I ask you, are men really that weak? Do they react this way when they see a mother breastfeeding her child in public? Oh wait Saloni, you idiot, of course they do! Which is WHY, even breastfeeding your child in public is an “indecent offence” for women. One minute a woman is exalted for being a mother, but the second she brings out her breast to feed her child, dear Lord do we go insane. Call it nipple, breast, boobs — whatever word you have for it, it makes people uncomfortable and they just flip out — which is why we need #FreeTheNipple.
A lot of you raised a fairly valid point that people don’t like seeing men roam around shirtless in their boxers either. A lot of them get told they look stupid. The low waist jeans look with their boxers showing — many said that that’s dumb and that guys don’t walk around showing their underwear and when they do, they’re told they are “dumb”.
Being told you’re dumb and stupid is not the same as being imprisoned. It is not the same as being hit, harassed, raped, marked as characterless. Being told that “she was asking for it”. No, no she wasn’t. Men and women face completely different reactions when seen half naked in public. If you think that society treats men and women equally then you need to get out from under your rock and open your eyes/clean your ears. I know I’m asking for a LOT when I ask for equality — but that’s how it should be.
Why do girls often go shopping with their moms and pick up boxers/underwear for their brothers? Mothers buy their son’s underwear for years. But can you imagine if a brother was to step into the women’s underwear section and buy something for his sister? Or the father doing it? Even when a couple go shopping for their kids, the father has to awkwardly stand outside the section while the mother picks out lingerie for her daughter. Have you ever asked yourself why? Why is it that a woman’s breasts suddenly become sexual? Inappropriate? Doesn’t it seem wrong to you that we are conditioned and raised to believe that breasts are supposed to be hidden. Girls won’t even show their new bras and panties (cause you love those words) to their girlfriends if their brother is around. It’s inappropriate. Is it? Why? Just ask yourself.
I’m not asking you to be extreme. I’m not saying go ask your dad to take you lingerie shopping or leave out your underwear collection on your brother’s bed — yes, I’m addressing this before the strawmen bring it up in the comments.
All I’m asking is for you to question the status quo. Why do we react to certain words or things the way we do? Should we react the way we do? Should we change it? How do we change it? This is not about a bra. Or a bra strap. Or heck even about the NIPPLE. This is about equality. About being judged if you don’t tip-toe the patriarchy. Flaunt your bra if you want to. Don’t flaunt it if you don’t. The important thing is to be able to make your own choices and not be judged (and/or punished) for it.
Who knows where this conversation will go… a lot of men think I’m saying too much. A lot of them threaten me because they feel their own status quo being threatened. My poor mother is terrified from all the attention. The fact that talking about equality makes so many people angry and uncomfortable is reason enough to keep talking about this. Talk about it with the men (and women) in your life. The ones who’ll listen are a good place to begin. They’ll hopefully talk to their friends and so on.
Will being comfortable with our lingerie and our body parts solve all our problems? Probably not. Will it be a start? I believe so.
Lastly, I’d like to leave you with an incident that happened to a girl who follows me on Instagram. It this doesn’t make your blood boil and feel disgusted with our society, then I guess we have a long long way to go. But I’m sure we’ll talk again.
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