The 9 Rasas of Us.
Shingara, for every time I saw kindness in your eyes for this world, I fell in love, again and again. Hasya, for the look in my eyes when you told me I was enough… I never knew what you meant then, foolishly in love, but you would’ve known, you must’ve, for we always knew happiness wasn’t a constant state of being, but joy could be, and I never felt the need to laugh out loud because what I felt was far beyond that momentary smile. Shanta, for me in your arms was as rare and as precious as it could be, beause I spent far too long running behind things that exhaust me and keep me on my toes, except for when you hold me tight and in that little piece of me, I am at peace. Rundra, because how could I be so foolish? How could I ever let myself believe that you and I could be? How could I blindly trust you to never leave me, how could I, think I would never leave you when all along I knew, that I was meant for bigger things in life. Veera, for every time I think about how much you hurt me, I am reminded of just why this journey is mine solely. For every second you spent telling me I couldn’t love, laugh, live, believe. For the nights spent aruging over selfless love and desires, you gave me the courage to be adament, you made me want to fight for myself, stand up for myself, even to you. Karuna, never for you, never for me, but for ours. Ours that could’ve been, ours that could’ve blossomed, ours that we watched grow but maybe our love was excess amount of water that drowned us. I may mourne over ours that died, but I will never sympathize with the life ours lived. Bhayanaka, not because you left me, but because you existed. I worry that sometimes what we fear is what we desire the most. You always knew I was crazy like that, ready to walk through fire, only to know for sure I wasn’t deprived of desires. As I wake up every day anxious about my future, a part of me worries that you, in another form of a human body, may find me all over again. Vibhasta, because I let you become my art. But it is the world that looks down upon this that we create, for me it is my God, then why so much Vibhasta, I wonder? Maybe because I stayed longer than I should’ve, because I loved more than I could’ve, and I died more than I would’ve. I don’t usually like dwelling into self pity because life’s too short for regrets but it disgusts me that I let you make me feel like I wasn’t enough. I let you. I. I was the problem all along and the blames on you. Vibhasta. Yet one day life took a full circle and got me back to Shingara, for every time I saw kindness in your eyes for the world. Slowly, softly, as the wind changed it’s direction through mid July, I was once again reminded that you taught me to Love before you taught me to Hate, and so I fell madly in love with this girl who could still hold her head up high and smile, for she was enough.