Why I’m a womxn — and you don’t have to be.

There’s been a lot of discussion about the word “womxn” in the last few years. There’s articles on the internet about how inclusive it is, and plently that will tell you not to use the word at all.

I stumbled across the word womxn when I was writing my book, Rescued by a feminist: an indian tale of equality and other myths.

I also stumped upon womyn, womn, and others. Quickly I learnt from reading more of the history that the word womyn was actually trans-exlusionary, and hence offensive.

The word womxn however, was supposed to be inclusive of all womxn. The x wasn’t supposed to exclude or differentiate any women, but instead include marganalised women, women of colour, women with disabilities, queer women, trans women, non binary women, and everyone that identifies as a woman but also simunataniously doesn’t want to be defined by a word that derives itself from wife of man.

Evidently, people forgot that everyone doesn’t want one thing.

So how do you know what to use?

Well, this is the most important point that I feel a lot of articles and conversations have been missing out on altogether, that the existence of one, does not have to mean the elimination of the other.

Women should have the freedom to choose for themselves, regardless of whether another woman would choose the same thing or not. Our definition of freedom does not have to be aligned in order for all of us to have it. It’s not like there is only a certain amount of freedom left to be allocated, and women / womxn must all choose the same kind. No, that’s not freedom, that is control.

Lets not inheret the same arrogance we despise in men by telling other women / womxn what they should and shouldn’t want. I’ve noticed a popular, alarming, toxic new trend on the internet where people are so quick to judge, cancel, insult, limit, and accuse each other that it leaves no space for conversation or growth.

In my experiece, I have met queer women who identify as womxn. I have spoken to trans women who are offended and never want to be refered to as a womxn, they identify as women, and I — a cis woman of colour, definately identify as a womxn.

That doesn’t mean that all queer women want to be called womxn. Or that all trans women want to be called women, or even that all cis women of colour want would not like to be called women anymore. No.

But, what does it mean?

It simply means that we need to stop speaking on behalf of all other people in our own / other communities unless we’re speaking of assault, abuse, freedom, equity, equality. The only time you should be talking on behalf of someone else, is when you’re saying they deserve to have the rights to choose for themselves. When you’re saying they deserve the same place, freedom and respect in this world.

Inclusivity will always mean diversity and differences, that is the whole point.

Inclusive was never supposed to mean that everybody becomes the same, but instead that we are all different, and even with these differences we deserve the same privilage and basic human rights that men are born with, and if / when we all come together as one, we are stronger.

Let trans women be women, if that’s who they say they are.

Let cis womxn be womxn, if that’s who they say they are.

Let women BE, who they say they are.

Let womxn, women, women with disabilities, non binary women, queer womxn, trans women, women of colour, and all other women — choose for themselves.

Ask people what they prefer as their pronouns, ask people how they identify. Don’t decide for them.

Trans women are women. All women who say they’re women, are women. Womxn who say they are womxn, are womxn.

It’s really not that hard when we pay attention and listen to people and what they want instead of deciding on their behalf.

Don’t refer to individual women as womxn OR women if that’s not what they identify as, regardless of whether they’re cis, queer, trans, of colour, have disabilities, or are non binary.

I know it’s a lot of effort, and it can often be very exhausting, but if we accept that we’re all learning as we go, then we create a safe space for everyone to make mistakes and learn from those mistakes without feeling like making mistakes is the end of the word.

I am a womxn — and you don’t have to be.

The term womxn empowers me in ways I can hardly put into words. I have never wanted to be identify with a word that is an extension of a man. I have never wanted to be wife of man. I still pronounce it as woman — because I am never saying wo-man and hence the word man never comes out of my mouth while refering to myself, but I use womxn when I’m writing. The X makes me feel better about myself. It makes me feel complete. It makes me feel confident and independent, it makes me strong. As a womxn of colour, I feel liberated and more in control of who I am, with how I identify.

Many people would say that only a woman who hates men would feel empowered by eradicating the word man from herself, and that the origin has nothing to do with it. But the thing is, it does for me. Men aren’t the ones that have to be referred to as women all day every day. No, instead man is just the default human. It’s exhausting enough being clubbed into “guys” and “dude” all day without ever having the freedom to causally walk into a room full of people and refer to them as “ladies” without insulting the men in the room and being labeled a man hating feminist — I do not want to spend the rest of my life identifying with a word that comes from wife of man. It isn’t supposed to insult, isolate, or offend you or anyone else — it is supposed to help me take up the space I deserve, which is as much as everybody else.

Under no circumstance should that mean all women be empowered by the word womxn. A lot of women are liberated by the word woman itself. Maybe when speaking directly to people, we should try our best to use the terms that they identify with.

We do not have to limit each other in order to be free together. We do not have to be liberated or empowered by the same things either. We do not have to insult each others preferences, in order to be independent. Allyship is often confusing, can be difficult and tiring, and thats okay — the more we listen and ask questions, the more inclusive we become.

Much like we choose Mrs, Ms, and Miss — without ever taking away from another woman / womxn’s right to choose for themselves.

Not all good things are easy, nor do they happen overnight. So just remember to take baby steps, and take breaks as and when it feels like it’s too overwhelimg for you as an individual. The world will still be fighting for their rights when you’re ready to rejoin the conversation after catching your breath.

They fought for their rights before us, today we fight for ours in the ways we know best, and a whole lot of generations to come will want the freedom to decide for themselves too.

Let everyone choose for their own self, and never, ever stop fighting for their right to freedom, regardless of whether it’s the same definition as yours or not.

Sinceirly yours,

Just another brown womxn.