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For the longest time, I was one of those people who take a long time to be satisfied with his/her work. I would not let others see what I am up to. Maybe, it was the fear of being judged or being seen as inadequate. It took much time and effort working in the dark basement workshop until I came out with something I polished.

The few that came out well looked great. The majority of them either never saw the light of day or were just scrapped as soon as somebody pointed out something I completely missed. Now, the time and effort spent in honing my skills are valuable. Those repetitions are very important in developing skills but I took them in the wrong direction. I felt like I was working towards something I didn’t want to be in.

I’ve been reading Chris Hadfield’s An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth and he said something really powerful:

In space flight, “attitude” refers to orientation: which direction your vehicle is pointing relative to the Sun, Earth and other spacecraft. If you lose control of your attitude, two things happen: the vehicle starts to tumble and spin, disorienting everyone on board, and it also strays from its course, which, if you’re short on time or fuel, could mean the difference between life and death.

In my experience, something similar is true on Earth. Ultimately, I don’t determine whether I arrive at the desired professional destination. Too many variables are out of my control. There’s really just one thing I can control: my attitude during the journey, which is what keeps me feeling steady and stable, and what keeps me headed in the right direction. So I consciously monitor and correct, if necessary, because losing attitude would be far worse than not achieving my goal.

You can build elaborate propulsion systems, use the state-of-the-art gear and prepare yourself for the worst case — but without the right attitude, you might as well dive head first into catastrophe. Attitude is really important in all sense of the word. When all things fall apart and seem out of control, the one thing you can seize and stabilize is your attitude.

I’ve put a lot of time in working on this and I still haven’t fully figured it out. I have pointed my orientation to a destination where my dreams and aspirations are. Everything that I do is now directly tied towards that direction. What would the future successful me do at times like this?

I am also trying to change my attitude: not being afraid of judgement and criticism, brushing off unnecessary negativity, and putting a lot of enthusiasm, excessive at times, towards the daily work I’ve committed myself to. It’s no longer about the ego and being right; it’s about getting to the answers faster and obsessively.

One notable improvement on that front is today’s improvement:

Whenever I feel like I’ve accomplished something good, I will always look and ask for feedback and others’ opinion.

I will ask and will keep on asking. What do you think? What works? What doesn’t? How do you feel about it? Where can I improve on this? This was the problem and this is how I went about it, was that a good choice? No longer afraid of being seen as stupid, I have been really open, to the point of being annoying. However, I am getting golden feedback. I can confirm or deny my intuition and see what I am limited in ways other people aren’t.

It’s in the same way I write this blog. I was one of those who are very strict in structure and had a specific style of writing. It had to be this or that — which is completely opposite of what I’ve been typing up now. It’s free flowing and sometimes it takes a lot to publish something I just digress on about. However, every time I publish, daily so far, I see one thing that can change or one thing I wrote that I never wrote that way before.

This blog was never meant to become this great manuscript. Maybe it’ll get to a point where I write something good enough to be one with little effort. But the future me will definitely tell me to be patient, keep writing even when no one is looking, and find ways to commit and improve. I think that’s an attitude worth having.