The Unspoken “For Me” at the End of Every “You’re Too Much”
The affirmation I used to heal from a narcissistic attack on my personality
When I was in a relationship with a narcissist, he would hurl versions of the same accusation at me.
“You don’t let me speak.”
“You’re too loud and brash.”
“You’re too boisterous.”
“When you speak, my mellow self feels attacked.”
But no matter how he said it, being my gregarious self that loved to talk its heart out felt like a mistake. It felt as if my personality was like an obstruction in his way. Every time I opened my mouth to speak, my words felt extra. The thought of trespassing barriers that made me stand in his way when I spoke petrified me. I started nitpicking and observing every word before I said it out loud in our conversations.
When I was doing this, in my head, I was making my share of compromises to allow the other person to become comfortable in our relationship. In reality, I was subduing my own personality.
The accusations never stopped, no matter how much I contained myself. But every time I heard one of those, a small part of my outspoken self cowered into a cave in the depths of my heart. Little did I know, it would take…
