Cars, Aliens and Sheep
Five years ago, an alien called Pi was sent to earth from Logicano, a faraway planet. Logicans are known for their prowess in logic, and have evolved to such an extent they can morph into any physical form. Pi was sent to earth on a logicatarian mission to help humans save their planet. He was to assume a human form, live on earth for ten years, try and understand what makes humans tick, and recommend ways for humans to save their future.
Since his arrival on earth, Pi has brought all the powers of his keen intellect to bear on his task, but without much success. That’s because humans keep doing things that make no sense to Pi’s logical mind. So Pi approached me, and confessed everything. I agreed to help him once I realised the Logicans meant no harm to humans, and just wished to help us. Pi was relieved, and proceeded to tell me his latest dilemma, which is a perfect illustration of why he is having difficulties in understanding humans.
The ‘Point A to Point B Transporter’
About four years ago, Pi had bought a PAPB (‘Point A to Point B Transporter’) or for ₹250000 ($3640). It served him very well , and apart from fuel expenses, Pi had just one service expense of ₹5000 in all those years.
Next week, Pi is exchanging his PAPB (he pronounces it papab) for a newer version, which comes with additional features like automatic transmission, a 4-speaker music system, power steering, remote locking and more. It costs around ₹378000. But Pi is getting ₹100000 for his old PAPB, plus free insurance and a discount on the new PAPB. In effect, the new one will cost Pi ₹267000, which is almost the same price as his old PAPB. In his logical way, Pi explained that it had cost him just ₹150000 to own and use an expense-free PAPB for four years. This was real value for money, which is why Pi was perfectly willing to upgrade.
The Car
That’s when a colleague at Pi’s office, told him about a transport concept called a ‘luxury car.’ Seeing his interest, this colleague took Pi to a showroom where they sold these cars. Pi just couldn’t figure out why these cars cost so much, and came to me. Here’s how our conversation went.
Pi: Why do these luxury cars cost so much more than my PAPB?
Me: Every little thing in them is top quality so it costs more.
Pi: But do we need such quality in a PAPB? Replacing a headlamp on that Volkswagen I saw costs ₹25000 or more. It costs just a fraction of that on my PAPB and I don’t see any difference in brightness of the light.
Me: Have you seen the quality of the interior and the lovely seats?
Pi: Yes, they are better. But does it justify paying so much more?
Me: They can go much faster than your PAPB’s top speed of 100km/hr.
Pi: But Indian roads are full of potholes and traffic is so chaotic that you can hardly travel faster than 40km/hr. So why get a faster car?
Me: Ok, forget speed. Most cars are much bigger than your PAPB.
Pi: Is bigger better? Don’t bigger cars use more fuel and pollute the planet? Isn’t it difficult to find parking? And harder to manoeuvre in heavy traffic?
Me: You are right but a luxury 7-seater car can carry more people.
Pi: My PAPB is tall, very spacious and can carry four easily. But most of the time, the cars on the road usually have only one person in them. Isn’t it better to call an Uber for those rare occasions when your car actually needs to carry more people? Or even catch a train or plane if you are travelling a longer distance?
Me: It’s not just carrying people. Your PAPB’s tiny boot won’t even take a decent sized suitcase.
Pi: If you fold down the back seat, it can carry as much as a station wagon.
Me: But what’s special about the PAPB? Have you heard the amazing music systems in some these luxury cars?
Pi: The new PAPB has a four speaker music system. That’s more than enough as you can’t really focus on music with all those horns blaring away in India’s crazy traffic. If I really want to enjoy my music, I play it at home where I have a Bose system.
Me: Does your PAPB come with an inbuilt navigational system?
Pi: What can it do that the Google Maps app on my phone can’t?
Me: I’m not sure. See, the thing is a luxury car reflects your status in society.
Pi: How so?
Me: If you drive a car like your PAPB, people will think you are poor and cannot afford good things.
Pi: But I’m getting more bang for my buck! I paid much less for my PAPB, and almost nothing for maintenance while using it for four years. I also pay less for fuel as it has better mileage, which means I pollute your planet less. I can easily park in any tiny space. I have most of the high end features like music systems, remote locking, power windows and steering, automatic transmission and onboard computers to tell me how far it can travel with the gas in the tank.
Me: It’s not all about money. Everyone knows that people who drive cars like Volkswagens or Audis are smart.
Pi: So you’re smart if you blindly swallow the advertising spiel fed to you by the makers of the Volkswagens and Audis, and pay exorbitant amounts to buy and maintain those cars. And you’re stupid if you don’t fall for the car maker’s spin to extract money from you?
Me: No, I didn’t say that.
Pi: But you think that?
Me: No, it’s just that…
Pi: …you also have swallowed the advertising spiel, right?
Me: It’s not just advertising. Those cars are worth the money.
Pi: I can get six or seven PAPBs for the cost of Volkswagen’s new Polo GTI.
Me: I’d buy that hot hatch if I had ₹25,00,000. It’s a car thing, you know.
Pi: It’s more a sheep thing. You know, blindly following the herd wherever it goes. Sorry for being rude. But we Logicans, like to call a sheep a sheep.
