10th April 2022, I turned 24. I chose to celebrate this day by expressing gratitude to the people in my close circle and celebrating their presence in my life! I also spent the last two weeks recollecting memories from past events, reflecting on what I learned and articulating them to share with you all!
By any chance, if you’re wondering, Why 6 lessons? Let me tell you:
- 6 has always been my roll number at school and college,
- 6 times 4 equals 24 and
- condensing the invaluable wisdom learnt over these years under 6 different headings is a lot easier than 12 or 24 ;)
Now, Take a deep breath and gradually draw all your attention to the screen in front of you. Let’s begin.
1. Never be too rigid about your beliefs.
Consider this excerpt from the NYT bestseller- Atomic Habits
“Progress requires unlearning. Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs, and to upgrade and expand your identity.” ~James Clear
I’ve proudly mentioned this in my career transition article and in all the sessions I’ve been speaking. Had I stuck to my views on my fear of programming, I wouldn’t have been practising Data Science today.
As we grow older and more self-aware, we start to realise that all the assumptions we hold for ourselves are shaped by our environment, the circumstances and the people around us. Had we been in a different atmosphere, under distinct conditions and surrounded by diverse individuals, those assumptions would have been exceedingly unalike.
“You are not born with preset beliefs. Every belief, including those about yourself, is learned and conditioned through experience.” ~James Clear
Being open and flexible in your thoughts can help you leverage infinite possibilities. All you’ve to do is trust your gut instinct and follow along.
“At the highest point of learning, what we need are not people who know everything; what we need are open-minded people who question everything, including some assumptions that they held dear.”
2. Embrace the debate
Growing up, I always avoided participating in arguments, perceiving it as a complete waste of time. Whenever I came across a person with different opinions on a topic, I stayed silent in most cases, without even feeling the need to express my views or engage in a logical argument. I now realise how mistaken I was.
Whenever we face disagreements with someone, it mostly stirs up feelings of anxiety. We’ve got a human tendency to silence this anxiety in different ways. Buster Benson writes in Why Are We Yelling? that we have four internal voices that tend to pop up when we are experiencing anxiety from a disagreement. These voices are power, reason, avoidance, and possibility.
The situation described above is a classic example of the voice of avoidance. Here you don’t take part in the argument at all, thus avoiding its consequences. We all face such situations regularly where we tend to avoid the differences in opinions, choosing to remain silent.
What we should rather be practising is the voice of possibility. This is the voice that gives the other person a fair chance to voice their thoughts and be heard. This voice views the argument as an opportunity to learn, as opposed to a creature to be silenced.
For instance, last month, I had a healthy discussion with a colleague on a non-work related controversial topic. We both expressed our views, backed them up with facts and logic, and made sure to listen without prejudice. By the end of the conversation, I came out with a fresh perspective and a stronger understanding of the topic. I’m sure my colleague felt the same way as well.
You do not have to agree to shift sides, but you can still have a productive disagreement. There is substantial evidence that people who engage in debates are more confident than people who don’t. With the intent to learn, we must welcome the other person’s input, and perceive it as an opportunity to grow, thereby making the conversation a WIN-WIN for both the sides :)
3. Choose your feed wisely
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” ~Jim Rohn
I’m sure you might have heard the above quote multiple times.
Darren Hardy writes in The Compound Effect:
“According to research by social psychologist Dr. David McClelland of Harvard, [the people you habitually associate with] determine as much as 95 percent of your success or failure in life.”
That’s a number you cannot ignore! To a large extent, our environment decides our attitudes and behaviour, eventually shaping us into who we become.
“The dream in your heart may be bigger than the environment in which you find yourself. Sometimes you have to get out of that environment to see that dream fulfilled.” ~Marten Van Doorn
I highly recommend watching this 5 min video that does a great job at justifying the above lines.
Take a moment to think, Where do you find yourself most of the time?
Is it spending countless hours on social media? Or attending back to back meetings on a Zoom call?
In the digital age, it’s kind of impossible to not consider your mobile/ laptop screens as one of those five friends you spend the most time with. The difference being you can control what your digital friend feeds you to a great capacity.
What you Consume, Is what you become!
Thus it becomes paramount to take control and forge your bubble. We need to get active in constructing our virtual environment.
Follow people who inspire you, whose thoughts make you feel better and more prone to taking action.
Unfollow those who generate negative vibes in your heart. These folks usually create clickbaity titles and thumbnails to seek your attention, caring only about the likes, views and comments.
Lastly, Surround yourself with people you admire, where the desired behaviour is the normal behaviour.
4. You learn something every day if you pay attention
I love this quote by Ray LeBlond for the range of situations it is applicable.
For a major part of my life, I’ve been an erudite student. If I were to credit my academic excellence to a single personality trait, It has to be the ability to converge laser focus concentration in class. After all, an active learner is always present in the moment and pays close attention to the words of the speaker.
I find myself greatly amazed to witness the benefits of “paying attention” outside a classroom. Take your awareness to a meeting room, and you’d have so many questions and points for discussion. Take it to a TEDx auditorium, and you’d notice how the orator’s body language, voice modulation and persona resulted in a great talk. Take it to a garden bench, and you’d discover that you need to get out of your nest (comfort zone) to fly high.
In fact, If you draw your full attention to a conversation, you might end up delivering the best present ever.
Committing to becoming a lifelong learner starts with a simple step of paying attention, even to the everyday routine things. Are you?
5. Small changes in vocabulary, Big Impact
“Our words have power. They impact others, but they also impact us.” ~Michael Hyatt
Consider that you have a critical exam today for which you’ve been preparing for months. A few hours before the exam, a pessimistic friend gives you a call. Would you answer the call?
I won’t for sure. Even if he intended to wish me the best, I will not want to take that risk. We tend to avoid negativity before an important event like an exam. Little do we realise how critical is the conversation we have with ourselves.
For most of us, our mental monologue is mostly pessimistic and insecure. We try to beat ourselves every time we make a [silly] mistake. Phrases like;
- I’m so stupid,
- Why did I react like that?
are common and have a strong influence in forging our identity. It’s high time, expressions like “I cannot”, “It’s not my cup of tea”, and “Kind of impossible” should be outside our vocabulary.
The words we use create the stories that construct our reality. Consider these examples from this brilliant article, where a small shift [in using words] is creating a big difference.
- I don’t have to work out this morning; I get to work out. What a privilege to be healthy and be able to care for my body.
- I don’t have to write a new blog post. I get to write one. What a privilege to have readers that actually care what I have to say.
- I don’t have to speak at a convention; I get to speak. What a privilege to get the opportunity to inspire folks.
To give you some context, the author is highlighting the effect of replacing the expression “have to” with “get to”. I shared the same idea in last month’s newsletter as well.
Did you notice the difference? It is paramount that we become more mindful and intentional of the words we use, both to ourselves and those around us. We must speak in ways that empower and expand rather than devalue and deflate.
Having more positive words & phrases in our diction would attract optimistic thoughts, thereby leading to a happier temperament and a more content life.
6. Relish good relationships
What keeps us happy and healthy as we go through life? If you’d want to invest in your future best self, where would you put your time and energy?
Is it about becoming rich or getting famous? If yes, like many you too are mistaken, my friend.
The Harvard study of adult development is the longest study of adult life. The study has continued for nearly 80 years and has interviewed more than 700 men. The study reveals that “Good relationships” is all we need to lead a healthier and happier life.
I learnt this through a popular TED talk by Robert Waldinger- the director of this study, and would highly urge you to give it a watch!
Life happens. It’s so common to get busy in your everyday routine, forgetting to catch up with an old friend. Somewhere, we all have fallen prey to this. Partly, because the society does not showcase it as something glamorous to go after. We’d rather choose to go after the glamorous looking things like money or fame.
On the other end, relationships are here to stay for long (as long as the person is alive). Unlike money or fame, relationships cannot be quantified. So it’s hard to get that dopamine hit when you’re helping your significant other in the kitchen, as opposed to earning X0000 dollars or Y0000 followers.
At the start of this article, I mentioned that I chose to celebrate my birthday by expressing gratitude to the people in my close circle. I feel it’s so important to celebrate the presence of these people in our lives, not for the gifts they send or the support they show, but for the human connection we share and the memories we built!
To the person reading this right now, I want to remind you to catch up with an old friend or family member you lost touch with. Go, send them a message right away and make their day!💝
You can also make my day🙈 by sharing this article with them or letting me know what you felt reading it :)
“People who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community are happier, they are physically healthier and they live longer” ~Robert Waldinger
Closing Thoughts
As we wrap up this 2000 worded article, I wish to say that I’m not a self-help guru claiming to master these lessons and writing to preach. I’m a normal human being, just like you, who intends to learn and evolve with every passing day, month and year. I might even make mistakes that fall under any of the aforementioned lessons, but all I wish for myself is to be better than what I was yesterday.
I intend to do this by reading enriching content, noticing the patterns in my life and writing about them to remind my future self. Along the way, I’d also love to share them in the hope that it might help the reader and create a small impact in their life!
Hello wonderful reader
If you read it till here, you clearly are an awesome human being!💙
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