A LETTER TO MY FEARS
At the deepest part of my heart
I’M IN CONTROL NOW
I am no longer scared of growing old, because I’ve come to realize it’s actually a good thing. Besides I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m only in my early twenties, exactly 20 years old!
I have also come to terms with being a girl growing to a woman. I won’t be afraid anymore of being used by men neither will I hate men anymore for seeing me as “‘a thing with hole to ram into”.
It’s good to know also that I don’t care about being validated or not, though it still hurts and that’s just about that. It’s all in the past now.
I won’t be scared of heights anymore. Infact, just so you know fear, I’m getting used to it. “Moving to greater heights” has now become my logo and mojo.
I’m no longer scared of not being able to have children after my operation. I will hope it didn’t and won’t affect my ability to procreate, besides it’s just you tugging at my mind, Fear. I’m not gonna believe it because it ain’t true, it’s just a figment of my imagination. So I’m watching this fear, Mr. Fear disappear like a smoke on a matchstick.
Living a miserable life, to me is out of the question. I will no longer see a homeless or poor person and become afraid I may end up that way. I would embrace them and help them out in the little way I can. I would live a fulfilled and happy life and you know why? Because I deserve to be happy, everyone does. I have come to know, Fear, that the more I dwell on you, the more I glorify your shameless identity. I will be happy with my spouse- to-be (though that would be in the future). I will love the hell out of him and he will love me back, he doesn’t have a choice. My children-to-be won’t give me heartbreak, they would make me proud and really standout. Who will they take after if not me?
Yes, the idiotic ideas of humans that may change my life forever negatively, Mr. Fear, as you know is one of my biggest fears. But I have news for you! I’m no longer scared of being at the wrong place at the right time or at the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m no longer scared of time and chance, of fate, destiny or the future because I now have someone I could confidently rely on. One who controls everything on earth, One who decrees something and it comes to pass, One who had taught me to take control of my life, One who has taught me that the spiritual controls the physical, One who has got my back no mater the situation. Do you know who He is? He is the Listener to every conversation, the Unseen Guest at Every Meal, One who sits upon the heavens and makes the earth his footstool, One whom the Twenty-Four Elders worship, He’s the God of All Flesh, Oba-Nla (The Greatest King), Arugbo-Ojo (Ancient of Days), Aadideva (Highest God), Nwa Aturu egburu (The Lamb that was slain), even time and my tongue (or writing) won’t be able to tell of His love. He’s helped me conquer this apprehension.
Climbing the ladder of success, I’m also glad to inform you is an act I now find myself particularly interested in and unafraid of. I will climb it with care and I’ll be sure to help a lot of people up also, what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander! I will excel in my chosen career because I’m no longer scared of being a flop to myself, family, community and generation. I’m holding on to my proclivities and ensure it helps me move far ahead in life.
I’m no longer attached unnecessarily to pain. I’m no longer unevenly yoked and have learned to turn pain into gain. No dosage of pain could knock me off, anyways, your last heavy dosage couldn’t work. Fear, know it today that you should not bother hurting me any more with it, it’s something I’m used to already. Don’t bother trying something else; nothing could be lethal with my shield of righteousness and breastplate of salvation. Pain and heartbreak won’t get to me anymore, I’m acting like Elsa and letting it go now, including the pain of mommy leaving me behind. I’ll transform this pain into something worthwhile and I’ll remember her in a good way and no longer in the way I felt pained. I’m done with the pain. I’ve scaled through, successfully.
Depression! Fear, regrets and pains lead to depression and suppressing them and really moving ahead helped me fight against depression. So you see, I have the antidote for depression. Why shall I be afraid? I’m not afraid of you depression, I just pity you because you don’t know who exactly you’re dealing with. Mark my name Depression, it’s Favour Uche and I can’t, just can’t be afraid of an ordinary you when I’m extraordinary.
Regrets! Regrets! I have dealt with them, Mr. Fear. You don’t have anything against me, you Accuser of the Brethren. I just have lessons learnt, not regrets. Life is however a teacher, the more we live, the more we learn. I’ll be sure to take my strides carefully so I don’t have one.
I fear, Mr. Fear that I’ve also lost the ability of being sore afraid of sickness. Remember the last one? Yeah! I thought you would. Did you remember how I had triumphed over you then? That trying period was meant to strengthen me and I got to know a lot about you, Mr. Fear. That you’re just a toothless barking dog, an empty barrel that makes so much noise, a cloudless sky threatening to rain fire and brimstone. I come to understand now you dwell and feel relaxed in any place that you are invited to. So here and now, I’m cancelling every Tom, Dick and Harry allurements and invitations; the ones I knowingly and unknowingly sent. Hence, you’re no longer invited to my parties. So bye.
You never added value to my life rather you almost took away everything. You tried to take away hope, peace, joy, happiness, sense of judgement, mutual understanding, love, oneness, care, affection from me and the rest of the world. I won’t miss you.
Now that I’ve unfriended you, I hope the world does so too.
Sincerely not yours,
We all live in fear no matter how we try to ignore them. They still persist at the back of our minds, they constantly gnaw at us. This letter was meant to face my fears.