A Tale of 2 Tiny Terrorists

If you read my previous post, Kids Are Sponges, then you know my life is very interesting when it comes to the tiny people in my life. I sat and thought about all of the things my two favorite people had done over the course of their existence and I had a good laugh. They really are just little tiny versions of adults who don’t have jobs, eat all of the food and can charm the hell out of you.

Seriously, they could pass for adults. You’ve seen the shows made about them. There have even been movies that depict their thoughts and daily lives. I, personally, do not want to know what they’re thinking. You might catch a few words you weren’t expecting to hear about yourself. Picture yourself having two kids:

You to Kid A: “You can have a cookie after you take your bath”

Kid A: “Can I have one now too?”

You: “No, you have to take your bath first”

Kid A: “Aw man (under her breath: you’re mean)”

You: “What did you say?”

Kid A: “Nothing” (and pouts)

You: “Ok, I thought so now let’s go get ready for your bath” (as you walk off)

Kid A: “I’m on my way” (they then walk off and call you mean and grab a cookie, then enters Kid B)

Kid B: “Ooh I’m telling”

Kid A: “No you’re not, I’m going to tell you ate a cookie”

Kid B: (runs off to find You)

You: “What’s wrong?”

Kid B: (trailed by Kid A) “They ate a cookie!”

Kid A: “I did not. She ate the cookie”

Kid B: “She’s lying”

Kid A: “I did not”

You: (walks to the kitchen and notices a cookie is missing) “One of you ate a cookie!”

Kid B: “I told you it was them” (pointing)

Kid A: (stands still refusing to admit they ate the cookie then climbs in the tub and says nothing)

You: (look astonished and goes in your room)

I bet you just had a flashback about something you’ve experienced. I told you before that kids are good liars. They are even better liars when it comes to something they wanted or enjoyed. They will sit and nobody will talk. It’s like they have this unspoken pact: “If you don’t say nothing, I won’t say nothing.”

They also have wild imaginations. They’re called “imaginary friends” and those tv shows don’t help either. They give them false hope. Have you ever watched Callou have a tantrum? Or Curious George just do what he wants? They've been setting these kids up for years. Think about it, your kid watches cartoons all the time then out of no where your kid starts getting sassy. Wonder where they got that from?

Some of those Nick and Disney shows aren’t for all ages either. The movies have a lot of adult content, too. The Good Dinosaur, for example, has a scene where I swear the main characters sat and got high off mushrooms. I bet you all will start watching those movies and shows from here on out. Secret Life of Pets is another one. That rabbit was off the chain. (I still love Kevin Hart tho).

Back on topic… One day I had the pleasure of sitting in the middle of one of my little people straight demolishing the other one. I sat there like “but they’re older than you.” I felt so bad after she finished. So I helped her fight back. She was in tears. What else was I supposed to do? My words exactly: “Tell her “how you gone talk about somebody and try to bully somebody and you still sit in a booster seat?”

Ok, low point (but she was in a booster seat).

What would you have done? I couldn’t let this little terrorist destroy someone older than her for no reason. I couldn’t even discipline her without helping the other one first. Now you see why I don’t have any kids. Ok, thats not really the reason but I saved the day and it was enough birth control for me. I could tell you all stories for days but I’m going stop here.

As always, I hope this helps someone!

CH