Alejandro: A Tinder Story

A few months later one late night bored trolling on tinder and I see him. I superlike him. Why? Because the Universe sends us messages again and again until we learn. I had not learned yet.

He was hurt I unfriended him. Don’t I want to meet him?

He claims he is quiet, I’m not.

He is very young. I thought I promised myself I need mature? Like I already did the no money young hott guy thing. I thought I promised myself I know that road and wasn’t going down there again? But he was a poet. An artist. A photographer. An actor. Dreamy. Creative.

Deep Down- I was simply trying to substitute my epic love of my life man who lives far away but always in my heart. My best friend. MY “Latino Lover”. There might be other Latinos out there, including Alejandro. But none like MY Latino Lover. I hadn’t quite learned yet it wasn’t possible to replace our magic. Well I knew it, but I was trying to be in denial. I hadn’t quite yet surrended myself to the fact that that wasn’t going to happen. I was still trying to pretend I could find our love, our bond again. Or at least a distraction! The universe gives us lessons until we learn right? Over and Over until we learn.

Oh boy, I learned — but not quite yet when this story went down. Young, no money, a poet, visual, quiet,…. but hott. So hott!!!!! And intriguing.

I check in with a mutual acquaintance. Her description? “I know Alejandro better then he knows himself. He is passionate, a deep thinker, big heart, aloof, selfish.” Yup sounds on point.

I figure — Fuck it! Go big or go home right? I GO BIG!

Not only do I decide it’s ok for him to come over, I leave the door unlocked and tell him where my room is and wait on the bed in the dark sans some candles in some sexy lingerie. He quietly comes in, black t-shirt comes off, I say nothing. He takes control. Kisses my thigh then he dives in head first. Ummmm hmmmmm you cannot make this up! The ultimate fantasy. When he comes up for air he kisses my lips and we whisper hi for the first time. Hottest first tinder hook up ever.

The next night he came over again and he makes me a delicious healthy dinner (he had given me the shopping list ahead of time- mind you I normally never go to the grocery store, so this was really out of character for me, but I was trying, plus I don’t cook so this was pretty welcome). After he slept over but we never even made out. He was tired and had an audition then next morning. And I was thinking WTF?

That was pretty much it. I took off for vacation with the kids with my fellow single mom. When I was away he text me, he was upset I had not sent him any of the type of pics he had requested I send. Um, ok hahaha!

He is a “visual” person he explained for the 50th time. He is quiet. He doesn’t like to text much either. Um yea I get it you told me. He proceeds to send me several examples of the type of pics he enjoys… super amateur young non-voluptuous naked chicks. Um Alejandro- I’m at the beach with 6 kids running around right now. I’m lucky they didn’t have my phone! (I’m so NOT turned on). Picture the opposite of horny. Yup that’s me on the beach with my kids and a phone full of 100 pound naked 20 years olds. Eye roll.

Weeks go by. Alejandro texts “I haven’t heard from you? You don’t give me what I need?” “It was nice knowing you.”

I text Mr. Alejandro when I first originally connected with him I’m a mom first, bad ass queen of my territory second, house manger third. Everything else is after. And I don’t need needy. I send him one pic tough, of my face.

His response? “Its Safe. I’m tired of safe. Safe bores me” “tired of talking talking talking”.

Are you f/n kidding by me?

— — — — — -

The following I sent by email and put “unsolicited advice” in the regarding section. Take note please all you all women — and always always #speakyourtruth.

Dear Alejandro,

Im in sales. Here is a little suggestion of a way to motivate a woman in the future to give you what you want.

Make them feel good, and want them to please you, push them a little, and work towards the next goal. Work on closing them without putting them off because putting them off, being negative, criticizing, is going to push them further away. Don’t be aggressive just assertive.

(You can use this advice in anything for everything Alejandro — like pitching yourself as an actor, getting a job, making someone feel good and wanting to do business with you, want to work with you, be with you etc).

for example:

ok — you get a picture on your phone- head shot and lingerie — why not try….

“hey (name), thanks for sending me this. You look beautiful and it makes me want to kiss you. God I love your eyes! There is so much behind them! Id love to stare into them in person soon. Would you be able to take that same pic, but without the top on, hold that camera a little father away and hold it at (whatever you instruct angle)? I can’t wait to see it!”

vs.

“its safe.

im tired of safe,

safe bores me.

tired of talking talking talking.”

Cause that sounds like, “that does nothing for me”, “doesn’t interest me” and is off putting and completely un-motivating to take it the next level.

Now Alejandro this is not advice on what to say to me right now. I’m straight. I’m all set. Im sure you have plenty of women who are quite happy to send you what you want, so lucky you that is great, and you don’t have to ask and beg. This is just a unsolicited suggestion for the future in the event you meet someone who is a “little project for you” — someone you are working on, educating. We all learn from each other. Its a process. We all grow and fine tune and refine.

Positivity is always going to win over negativity and is more motivating.

good luck with that.

FF.

Fast forward. One more brief encounter followed, I think my forwardness and truth turned him on. He was working for Uber, and gave me a ride. He came in for a hott second first. Um, let just say hottest Uber pick up ever. Damn. Like a quick 5 minute interlude ensued. This was right before he asks me to pay him cash and not go through the Uber app because he can’t pay his gas. Ugh — again the universe keeps sending us lessons to learn until we learn. #winning. Then he drops me off at a fancy steakhouse restaurant where I’m meeting my friends with a plan to come home with me later. While he is out driving he text me during my dinner to …get this …“please order an extra large porterhouse and save half for me I haven’t had that in a long time”. I don’t respond I’m baffled.

Sometimes the best response is no response. Women please hear me! This line applies in so many ways beyond this but that’s for another story. More to come.

We already had ordered one steak between my friend and I and split the cost. I am not ordering him a steak. When I’m out later at 11pm seeing music (and thankfully NOT holding a styrofoam to-go box) he text me he is ready to head to my house and go to sleep and where is the key? Baffled again — like its not like this is a long term thing right? This is new- why oh why did I even insinuate he could sleep over? But he had left his backpack at my house. In the end out I stay out till 3am, just to avoid going to my own house. Lesson learned — never ever ever again.

When I get home I immediately go up into one of my kids empty rooms and go to sleep. I leave a note for him that I couldn’t fall asleep and didn’t want to wake him obviously before his important meeting and good luck on his audition that he was leaving for at 7am.

A few hours later he text me, he would have at least appreciated a head rub and a cuddle. Im sorry but LOL! Thank you Universe. Thank you for giving me a lesson over and over. I learned. I am good. And I spoke my truth. Again.

#learning

Dear Alejandro,

Hi, no need to respond, just know I have appreciated you and like watching your life unfold.

I know we have amazing chemistry and there is so much more that could be explored but it does not feel right at this time. We are in different worlds, I can’t meet your needs and we are not on the same page.

I found that steak text off putting. You continually tell me me you are quiet and yes I know this. And I am not. I don’t mind that difference, but I don’t think that’s going to work for you. My flame is bright right now. It shines BIG. I cannot be held back. I’m NEVER going to send you the naked pictures you desire. EVER. There are plenty of women out there that will give this to you I'm sure, just please, work on your strategy for getting them. I think there are lots of other women out there better suited to communicate in a way that works for you. U r beautiful inside and out.

Xo

Fierce Force

He emails me back.

Dear FF, All good.

Adios Alejandro

#onward

#speakyourtruth

#dreamingofMYLatinoLover