Being Cursed With Envy
There are many negative and emotionally destructive feelings out there in the world. If left alone to just simmer and grow, it can really do a lot of damage to how we feel about life, and how we love, (or don’t love) ourselves. It mostly certainly can stunt our own growth as we attempt to pursue a life we’re content with. Mindfulness is a practice and tool that is imperative when working with the negative emotions. The end result is to be able to learn how many of the feelings we’re having are overreactions, as well as be able to see which ones shouldn’t even be present at all.
We can be our own worst dramatic self so often that we allow negativity to grow and strengthen so much that we quite often mis label our own shit we’re going through.
This piece will touch on one of the Queen Mothers of negative feelings and emotions. Today, let us face and discuss ENVY.
The official definition of Envy straight from a Merriam Webster Dictionary is “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.”
So as we see from the definition, Envy is a very dark, awful feeling. It’s a feeling that we seem to allow to take over our own clear picture of things going on in life. I believe Envy is often growth out of total exaggerations.
In my opinion, it’s one of the most terrible feelings that there is to feel. It’s right up there with being just as awful a feeling that jealousy carries. Although I will be covering jealousy in a future article, I was eager to do research on the differences between envy and jealousy. I figured it would help if everyone reading as well as myself know what the difference(s) are.
Psychology Today Magazine, had some pieces related to this topic, and their statement on envy and jealousy is this- “Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another. Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person.”
So there we go. Psychology Today Magazine offered an excellent clear comparison. Both quite similar, but not exactly the same. Envy is all about what we don’t have, and it’s that thing we don’t have that we seem others around us enjoying.
Mindfulness tells us first, to absolutely not try damaging, taking, or altering what the other person has. It’s a sure fire way to move backwards and fast with your Mental Health. Not to mention that if we don’t follow that rule, then we potentially can start touching on vengeance, or revenge. I’d hope that I don’t have to tell anyone that those two are some very risky roads to travel, and there’s potential to never come back to a better place that’s here & now.
Next thing to do is just simply acknowledge your blessings. I’m not saying that just because it’s a catchy phrase. I say it because it seems to be the last thing we ever do, whenever we are going through anything dark, like jealousy, envy, anger, vengeance, disgust or fear. We fail to realize so easily that we potentially have many more blessings then we do negative things.
Blessings can be simple, but major. They’re family, real friends, a paycheck, a roof over your head, sobriety, a high power or what have you. If you have made it to sobriety and recovery, then that blessing alone should carry tons of weight.
Becoming healthy again, and being alive in a sober world can be quite powerful and rewarding. Don’t talk down on your blessings. Not to people, and not to yourself.
Another lesson I only learned recently, is your envy is based partly on assumptions. How a situation might look. We think many erratic thoughts, and create mental chaos when we’re in the world of envy.
Remember something. If your envy is on something you assume to be positive because the person is always showing it off & they’re posting daily on facebook about it; just don’t fail to realize that quite often, we are living in a reality that has become Facebook. I can post a picture of thousands of dollars in cash on some random kitchen table, and as soon as I hit post, I now, instantly become a man who now magically has that much money.
Don’t throw envy on a world that may mostly be a term I invented called, Facebook Opposite Fantasy Land. You’re only seeing what the person wants you to see.
Don’t believe the hype about all the “extremely happy in love” a couple is, as well as don’t feed into other social media posts either like the the one we see literally on a daily basis about the “amazing job or career someone has who loves every day of work.” There are so many reasons why we can’t be envious.
Chances are higher than you’d think that once the social media mask is removed, what we’re really looking at is a relationship of misery, and or a job or career that’s actually near minimum wage, and not the ridiculous salary claims that are made. It’s a job that’s truthfully is hated, and the job title is totally opposite from the truth.
I’m not in anyway knocking any kind of honest work, nor am I judging someone because they are minimum wage. What I’m knocking, the illusion that in turn is fueling your envy. Honesty can get so bent and distorted & that there is so much nonsense being shoved down our throats. Don’t be envious of anything remotely like this stuff. Instead pray for those who fantasy post.
We may have gotten healthy and better, but realize while we were getting better, everyone else was staying the same. So pray for them.
Be sympathetic to those ones still sick and suffering.
Next for envy, we look at a different part of the spectrum. First, it’s partially about acceptance. But first, there are people posting on social media who actually are keeping the post non fiction. They have been rewarded and fortunate. If it’s all been from something honest, then there may be a good chance that the person worked very hard for the rewards. They worked harder then they had to, they worked long hours, possibly a life of almost total work, and lost a lot of sleep to get the results they now enjoy.
It wasn’t just a big wad of money, or a major career that landed in their lap. While you enjoyed many months, and many years of 7, 8, or 9 hours every night, they were still up, burning the midnight oil. Not everyone was born with gold and silver spoons in their mouths. There are plenty of times when good fortune is earned and deserved. Accept that, and being the big person you can be.
Instead of envy, be accepting that what you assumed to be instant, and not deserved, was in fact a long process & well deserved. Not handed to them. It was earned. I’m not saying jump through hoops while giving them hugs and kisses.
So, to conclude from that, I say this- Ask yourself a very important question. Ask yourself, Which feeling in our hearts and minds will feel better? Stressful envy, or acceptance that somebody earned some good fortune? That question there and the answer you give, will be all the answer that any of us need, as we continue healing & working through our character defect of Envy.