Changing in 2017

If you need a specific date to quit bad habits and start self-improvements, you’re probably not going to follow through with the plans.

Not to be a pessimist, but do these sound familiar?

“I’m going to wait till after Shirley’s birthday party — that’s two months from now — to start my diet.”

“I’ll start hitting the gym again next week when I’m less stressed.”

“I’ll stop talking to the toxic (but addictive) guy or girl after having sex with said person five more times.”

Now that 2017 is near, there are countless of:

“I’m going to start or stop (insert your deal here) right after New Year.”

Until then you will continue to exercise all bad habits to your fullest content and go out in a libatious bang. Wake up on January 1st (perhaps with a slight hangover), but be renewed, transformed, and ready to take on the world. It’s no wonder that gym memberships are at their highest during the month of January, and then take a significant dip by February and continues to decline from there.

I’ve done this many times myself. I’ve even had a few New Year’s Eves when I forgone the partying for a night of solitude dedicated to meditative reflection — thinking that it would be the activity that would make the difference for the year. It has never been the case. I’ve evolved over the years of course, but not due to the promises I made to myself based on some supposed magical date.

Change is gradual. It takes a lot of work, and when you’ve earned the right of passage it feels so natural that you wonder why it took so long to get there. It’s the reason why people who’ve found their way on a particular matter want to shove the knowledge down everyone’s throat.

These epiphanies lead people to say things like:

“just do it. Start today”

“believe and it will be”

“it’s easy”

Or whatever crap people like to say in regards to change. It’s all well-meaning, but it’s facile to ignore how long it took to get there — similar to how parents want so badly to teach their children of all the wisdom they’ve learned along the way while forgetting the amount of mistakes they had to make before finding their version of enlightenment. However, you can’t force that kind of knowledge the same way you can’t force real change.

This is not to say that goals are not important. However, consider the need for a specific date to start those goals. Assigning a date to start self-improvement implies that by said time you will be the person that you need to be to do what you have to do. But if you’re not that person today, what will make you that person tomorrow? Sheer will? Sure. If you’re in a movie.

Fear not, this is not one of those “start now” messages. You started the day you were born. You start every time you make a decision, put forth effort, or tell yourself that you need to do better. This is not a matter of when to start, but becoming who you want to be. The becoming, transforming, evolving, morphing — it all happens in stages, and the big leap doesn’t happen until you’re ready. Unfortunately, Readiness doesn’t care about New Year’s Eve or any other dates on the calendar.

My greatest transformation took nearly most of my 31 years, and it’s not even perfect — although solid. I went from being the girl who thought everything about myself was wrong, to accepting the things that make me Astride. My long-fought battle against low self-esteem might start resembling confidence…soon-ish. Until then, I have to appreciate the process.