Don’t Try to Be Perfect — You Already Are
Why do we aim for perfection? Whose perfection — standards and opinions by someone who grew up in a different household, city or country? How are their opinions relevant to what our inner perfection feels like, and how would we perceive “judge”) that person — the one we think (or know) is judging us? Could we change the “judging” term in our minds into “trying to get to know” us, to understand us and our system of values?
Is it important to be the fastest driver, the best gymnast, the funniest comedian, the office “go to person”? How important is to be an excellent numerical typist if that’s not what makes us happy? Are there other attributes and skills that make you the most desirable person to be around? Do you make people happy about themselves Do you show them available possibilities, connect them to others, to their own potential, to the things that make them truly satisfied with even one moment in their life? Do the things that are natural to you, that feel joyful and effortless to perform. Leave the rest to the people who feel joy in doing those other things, as you’ll always compete with their true selves, with their joy that makes them excel so easily.
“Perfection” and excellence in any area is relevant to what is needed and where our natural skills and talents are. It’s through this excitement in doing something that we consequently become excellent, as there’s no feeling of (hard) work, but eagerness to explore, to find out more, to invent, create, connect with people and ideas, and it never ends. Our “perfection” lies in the happiness while doing something meaningful to our true selves.
If you feel that you need to improve a skill or learn a new one, and it feels easy and makes you happy while doing it — do it! Don’t wait — do it now! Also don’t expect to become excellent overnight (definitely not “perfect” — it’s an imaginary term). You can’t be excellent in everything. That’s why we differ from each other, making this life so much more interesting. If everyone were a great singer or musician, we probably wouldn’t attend concerts to enjoy anyone’s performance; singing with the entire audience or “visiting” in our mind the beautiful world of the performers through the music.
Even if you could gain excellence in one or more areas, what would be the true cost?
Although we influence each other, you should try to be true to yourself by remembering the time before it all became so “difficult”, joyless and a race to earn more, pay bills, buy more, get a pay rise, pay bills …
Do you remember how it felt to be a child? Remember how it felt good to simply awake, being happy about another day full of opportunities, unknown magic moments, uncertain of what could happen, being eager to find out, explore, learn by playing? Do you remember the happiness about even a simplest holiday or picnic with your family? Would you feel like that now before an expensive holiday? Probably not. Even a road trip used to bring us much more excitement. We forget and that’s the worst obstacle to our happiness, our excelling in life. Remember and become again excited about every little trip, walk in a park, new buildings in your neighbourhood, new season’s flowers planted at a roundabout or a median island.
Often we try our best to be positive, then a cynical person enters our environment. It is difficult to disregard all negative comments, articles and opinions (or “realistic” as they would state — and they believe it to be true), but we can limit our exposure to the media and news. I don’t have to know ALL the deaths that occurred EVERYWHERE in the world, even all the traffic accidents within my country, all the homicides and suicides in my city, all the bills my neighbour is struggling to pay. The more we know, the more we would feel there’s no point in living.
We know we would die eventually, so how is it relevant that we know particular stories of every death out of billions of people currently being alive. We also know that many people struggle with issues — financial, health, relationships, violence … So let’s really be realistic and face the fact that we can’t do anything about the people around the world dying, struggling, crying, … What realistically could we do? A small gesture could change someone’s life and that’s all we can hope to achieve.
Although we can limit the amount and nature of the information coming through media, avoiding negativity in our physical environment is more difficult. When we meet someone who keeps pointing out all the negative facts, systemic differentiation of people to rich and poor, to influential individuals and powerless masses, to homelessness and empty investment apartments - is it helpful or in any way constructive to only focus on those things? If I find myself in a situation like this, I try to persuade the person that there are positive things to look forward to, to enjoy in life and be grateful for them.
Sometimes I feel that the person may be in too deep, that a 10–15 minute conversation is not enough. I remember once feeling so exhausted that my heart rate increased, I felt like drowning in that negative energy, almost as being “attacked” by those opinions, as though “all the world’s injustice was my fault”. I felt as being a defendant because I didn’t agree that everything was doomed. So I excused myself and left the room to talk to other people and try to forget the energy being projected.
That is my suggestion for keeping positive and energised with a feeling of happiness, optimism, love and content. We can’t change everyone’s opinion. We can try, but alternatively it is up to everyone to get out of that state of general cynicism, pessimism and “hell on Earth” feeling. They often become so “comfortable” with that attitude, that anything else (slightly positive) feels strange. They become afraid of the “unknown”, of the unexplored territory of their heart being happy with what is, rather than remaining unhappy because they don’t have what they believe would make them happy.
Why waste time on trying to persuade someone that life is good, worth living, loving and sharing with others in a joyful and cooperative way? We can try and then move to another person who is willing and open to move on, rise higher, to enjoy their life.
Wherever we are, we should make most of it. If you’re at work, make it a fun day, smile more (even on the phone), have a funny cat or dog picture on your screensaver, make coffee for your colleague, let another driver enter the traffic, think of nice things about your clients, be polite to telemarketers, always have some change for buskers and don’t forget to smile even when you’re alone. Smile while getting to a car park. Slow down your walk or drive, look for a moment at the sky, the beautiful clouds, the trees, the people — and smile.
There’s enough time. There’s never the last train to catch, the last moment to enter the rush hour traffic, the last time a shop is open. There’s always something else around the corner. Don’t rush to get home or to the shops. A moment to smile could prevent that anxiety attack creeping in, the lack of oxygen in your lungs, the heart rate increasing. I guarantee that you’ll find an empty spot for your car (or remember quicker where you’ve parked it); another means of transport or a friend to pick you up; another shop with even better variety.
Making most of the life should be everyone’s motto, so volunteer in your community, help someone to learn to cook, to paint a chair, to plant a garden, or change a car tyre. Anything you know — someone else wants to know. Anything you felt or experienced, someone else wants to know, to learn from it, to maybe see their life in a different perspective. We all want to feel that we belong, that we matter, so both you and the other person are the same, and could greatly benefit from this connection.
Wherever you are — be yourself, as your true nature, the perfection you need to get to know, not someone else’s perfection but yours. Yes, I’ve said that it was an imaginary term, but this is where its meaning makes sense. Only by trusting that you are worthy of showing yourself as you are, “warts and all”, you will become what you always were meant to be and to be excellent no matter what.
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