GUILTY?!

Here’s how I got over it

Guilt. Rarely does one small word have such a deep impact on our psyche.

Different people feel guilty for different things. Some feel guilt over not always being there for their children, partner or parents, saying “no” when required at work, with friends, in relationships, or when taking time out for themselves. There is guilt over an act of rage or crime, past affairs, breaking someone’s heart or handling a situation unfairly.

The reasons are varied for which we all carry our own crosses. God will never forgive me, some say. The Universe hates me, others believe. And life goes on until this guilt becomes a tainted part of our existence.

So what is this — guilt?

Guilt unfortunately is frequently viewed as a virtue, as a high sense of responsibility and morality. To feel guilty is oft seen as a sign of good character, as righteousness. The truth however is that guilt destroys emotional energy. It leaves you feeling hopeless in the present and regretful in future by something that has already occurred in the past.

Regretful. That’s another important word in this context.

What do you mean by regret?

Regret is a mental/emotional state that involves blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, feeling a sense of loss or sorrow at what might have been or wishing we could undo a previous choice that we made. A life that stems out of guilt and regret, often has not much to look forward to. It feels empty.

Does that mean one should live a guilt free, regret-less life without any conscience?

No. Here’s my take on this. Human beings need to have a conscience. According to the dictionary a conscience is “the sense of right or wrong within the individual.” Without a conscience we would have no qualm about hurting one another, interpersonal relationships of any kind would be extinct and the world would be less safe.

However excessive guilt is one of the biggest destroyers of self-worth, self-confidence and the ability to imagine positive outcomes for yourself. Beating yourself up repeatedly about a previous wrongdoing only serves as a punishment; a kind of self-decaying life sentence which you have decided to give to yourself.

Reflecting on past behavior and learning from it is enlightening. When your conscience tells you that you have done something wrong, it is important to face it, make amends and learn from your mistake. Staying consumed with guilt however will keep you from moving forward in a positive and productive way. With determination to resolve and absolve many have learned how to avoid taking off on a demeaning guilt trip.

Including me. Here’s what I did.

Reviewed the action or event over which I felt guilty.

Was the action appropriate or acceptable under the circumstances?

If yes, I decided to let go of the situation and refused to think about it further. I went for a walk, worked out, called a friend or become absorbed in something else, be it work or anything else enjoyable. I did anything — but rethink the situation.

If my action was inappropriate, is there something I can do to correct it or to make amends? I went out and did it. I did all I could possibly do in the current circumstances to rectify the situation.

If my action was inappropriate and there is nothing I could do to make amends now, then I repented.

There is a big difference between regret and repent. Repentance puts a positive spin on the feeling. Makes you want a change of mind — a change of intention from doing that which made you feel ‘guilty’ to not wanting to do it again — that results in a change of action. It involves the decision to make a change of behavior and/or attitude about something. Repentance encourages a heartfelt desire to change.

Lastly and most importantly — What have I learned from this experience that will be helpful in the future? This sets me right back on track.

Remember that the past cannot be changed, no matter how you feel about it. Victimizing yourself with excessive guilt will neither alter the past nor make you a better person. By committing yourself to positive change, you will begin to heal and live an authentic life in this moment.

In the end, know that; God is great. So merciful. The Universe; a pure reflection of your spirit. The question then is not if God and the Universe have forgiven you.

The question is… Have you?