How Do You Handle a Less Than Ideal Day?
It’s 7:41 and I just had one of the most glorious mornings that I have had in a long time. Awake at 6:10am, coffee, breakfast, prayer, candle, sunrise, it was glorious. The silence of this morning is the world’s gift to me before the day gets busy.
I don’t know about you (ok yes I do!), but I almost always have in my head an idea of the perfect day and as I enter into the celebration of Christmas, that idea becomes more defined. Everything MUST be magical yet calm. My husband will be romantic, my baby will always cute, we will somehow continue to organize our crazy lives while entering into the rest of the holiday season. No one would confess that my best trait is the ability to organize, but I do have the ability to inspire which means I must have a vision to which that inspiration leads.
It is in these small perfections, created in our minds, our aspiration to some sort of American perfection (or your version of it), that our character is made or broken.
My friend, how do you handle a less than ideal day? When you have in your mind a vision of perfection for a situation and reality decides that it doesn’t have to follow your vision, how do you react? I once heard a brilliant speaker say that our handling of these situation reveals our level of goodness and humility.
Example time.
For the first year of my marriage, my husband and I got into more serious fights about him sleeping in than any couple ever should. You would think this wouldn’t be an issue. IT WAS. See, I had a very specific idea in my head of how marriage should go. Both of us would wake up early (but not too early). We would have coffee, talk about our feelings, plan out our day in the most creative of ways, and pray together.
Guess what. In reality, BOYS ARE NOT GIRLS. The problem with my idea of perfection is that I, a morning person, married a night owl. He is not worried about morning coffee and he certainly does not need to talk about feelings.
What was happening in the real world did not seem to need to succumb to my fantasy marriage. I had two choices. The first, whine. I could get angry and throw a quiet, vindictive tantrum that made my husband feel small and try to force this man to fit into MY perfect marriage. The second, I can give him grace, let go and regroup. I can build him up and serve him outside of my ideal bringing our marriage closer to a true vision of servanthood and gifting him with the respect that I had set aside all these years just for him.
Obviously, I chose number one and my character was revealed to be so much weaker than I care to admit.
After a year of resenting my husband for something that is so seemingly small, I was forced try option number two. I gave my husband grace and let go of my silly expectations. Now he gets to sleep, I am so much happier and we find other times to connect during the day. My version of perfection was holding my happiness prisoner to an illusion.
I am writing about this today because I notice in myself especially around the holidays that while I am trying to fit everything into my own little box, I am missing out on the life that is ACTUALLY happening. We will only be blessed to experience our ideal days once in a while, if we are uptight and angry the rest of the time because reality isn’t our fantasy then we will miss out on so much. We will pass up the magic of the moment because it is not the right kind of magic and our hearts will grow cold and self-protective.
The mark of a truly joyful person is one is has found the ability to get out of their own heads and enjoy their life within its imperfections. The mark of a generous person is someone who gives when their situation isn’t suited towards giving. The mark someone with character is one who bestows grace to every person and builds up the ability to handle the less than ideal no matter the situation. Our submission of ourselves ends up being the glory of everyone else.
I am continually learning to relax and to allow every experience in my life to strengthen my character. This December, I invite you to put down your definition of the perfect situation and take joy in what is happening around you.
