How I learned to Self Love

Before I begin this near and dear blog post, I first need to praise a woman named Julia Cameron, who introduced me to the world of Flow, and expanding my creativity through her book, The Artist’s Way. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but basically this book is a 12 step process to releasing your creative flow by unblocking your “spiritual electricity”.

To give you brief summary, I have outlined the basic principles you learn to incorporate into your life from Julia Cameron’s path to higher creativity:

1. Creativity is the natural order of life. Life is energy: pure creative energy
2. There is an underlying, in-dwelling creative force that infuses all of life- including ourselves
3. When we open ourselves up to our creativity, we open ourselves to the creator’s creativity within us and our lives
4. We are, ourselves, creations. We, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves
5. Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God
6. The refusal to be cretive is self-will, and is counter to our true nature
7. When we open ourselves to exploring our creativity, we open ourselves to God: Good Orderly Direction
8. As we open our creative channel to the creator, many gentle though powerful changes are to be expected
9. It is safe to open ourselves up to greater and greater creativity
10. Our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. As we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity

So what does this have to do with self love?

Well, I’ll tell you, my good people. One of the most important “assignments” from this self-initiating book is practicing something called morning pages.

Morning pages are essentially worked into your schedule at any point in the day, but are most effective, well, in the morning. You simply wake up from a full night’s sleep, grab your handy dandy journal (that should be waiting patiently on your bed side table), your favorite writing utensil, and just write! Fill the pages with dreams you had the night before, tasks you want to get done in the coming day, people you need to reach out to.

It doesn’t matter what you write about- as long as you write. The goal is to fill three pages with words, thoughts, ideas, emotions, goals, lists, complaints, etc. Even when I think I have nothing to write about, I consciously write “I have nothing to write about” again and again, until another thought enters my mind that I must get down on paper.

The only rules that shape your morning pages are these:

• write everyday
• just write
• write blind- it is what it is
• no backtracking
• keep it private

Now, I know this may seem intimidating, but writing is your friend. Morning pages help get out all those leftover junk thoughts that may pop up in your mind throughout the day. Having them down on paper early in your daily routine just clears the way for higher productivity to follow.

Morning Pages = Self Love. How?

Well my good people, this is where I start to get personal. I’m going to refer back to when I was younger, confused, and still finding things out about myself. If you’re not interested in learning more about your good author, quit while you’re ahead. Otherwise, keep reading! It’ll do you good to dive deeper into what makes me the Rachel you know and love today.

About five years ago, the love I felt for somebody near and dear to my heart was thwarted. I won’t go into details, but I will give credit where it is deserved. The first (and at the time, only) boy I had ever loved took interest in another girl. I knew of her, and even while we were still in a relationship, I felt second to her. She was tall, slender, had a beautiful smile, and was everything I knew was taking his attention away from me. We had been together for almost two years, and I couldn’t believe he was throwing away this greatness we created together for some Ugg and Victoria Secret’s Pink wearing chick I somehow couldn’t compare to.

Well, boy who shall remain unnamed, I thank you. Because it was after you ended our relationship that I realized I had a need to focus on myself: I bought a guitar on a whim and took up lessons, so I could concentrate on something other than you. I began dabbling in paints and crafts, and spending the time we would have been together with new connections and even stronger bonds. I took up meditation, and slept every night listening to my Solfeggio Harmonics on the 528Hz heart activator, letting only the lightest and most loving energy into my heart. Most importantly, I began morning pages.

Morning Pages = the PATH to Self Love.

I was given a copy of The Artist’s Way by a close friend at the time. I started doing morning pages immediately, and I was quickly realizing by doing these pages, I had more time throughout the day to dwell on my current thoughts, and learn and grow from them. Rather than think about unnecessary things, they were simply put on paper early in the morning.

I became an autobiographical author in my mind. I was writing every morning. I wrote about my dreams from the night before, what I wished to do with my free time that day, what I noticed about myself yesterday. I was writing anything that came to mind. I even found time to write at night, to clear my mind for a dreamier sleep. I was writing so much, that I had began filling more than three pages every morning! By the time my morning pages year anniversary came around, I had filled up three journals, and was working on the fourth!

Self Love comes from within

Naturally, I continued my writings into my junior and senior years in college. Every couple of days during my pages, I would notice that I had fallen into a certain theme. What is this theme you ask? Well, it’s none other than self love! I don’t know exactly what point it was (because a loyal morning pager doesn’t go back to read their pages), but I do know there was a moment where I had stopped writing about things I needed to work on about myself. I had noticed a common motif- every morning I was writing about something new I had tried, someone different I got to know, something I had forgiven myself for.

It became easier for me to point out the positive things in my life, rather than write about my insecurities or my flaws. I was only focusing on the good. I started to realize that all these wonderful things I was writing about in the mornings lead my day to be more productive, enjoyable, and overall more worthwhile. I began loving my morning pages, loving my time alone eating breakfast, loving the trees around me as I walked to class, loving the shuttle ride to and from my apartment- all because I was able to focus on them and not have my mind wandering to other things.

Self Love > Love Yourself > Love Others

It is sorta funny how life works, but when I started noticing these differences in my reactions to my daily occurrences, I was more easily able to spread love to those around me. Junior year in college was when I met my core group of friends, the people who I knew I was meant to meet. They were my people. I had never fit into a group of strange individuals like I did with these guys.

I hadn’t thought once about if these people who like me, or if they were judging me when I walked in the room. I loved myself. Scratch that- I LOVE myself, and will continue to do so.

Where does my Self Love fit in now?

Currently, my life is filled with so much love and positivity, I sometimes don’t even know what to do with it. I work at an incredible up and coming marketing company. I live in my favorite city. I have friends who I see on a pretty regular basis, and most importantly, I am happy and complete with the person I have become and am still becoming.

Self love has given me the perspective that you cannot love anybody else without loving yourself first. How can you spread a part of you, if that part doesn’t exist within you to start? It’s just silly folks, and this sort of love is easy to attain. Just start as I did, and write. Write your morning pages and don’t stop. You will never find me without a journal by my side.

And for any of you who are wondering:

After the long and worthwhile journey of finding my self love, I have been able to pass on the love I have to somebody new. He is smart, charming, empathetic, creative, humble, protective, kooky, charismatic, and most importantly, loves himself. And that is the best kind of love you can find.

❤ 
Happy writing!~