How to survive a long-distance relationship
A challenging phase for couples
I thought about writing this topic because nowadays many relationships are struggling with long distance. Due to covid 19 pandemic, things got worse since 2020. Many couples around the world are weeping and mourning as they cannot hug and kiss their beloved partner for a long time.
I can feel them, as I was there for two years and caught up with pandemic restrictions too. I know that my situation is not that serious compared to some couples out there. But I thought to share because many fairy tales fall apart due to long-distance. Hence, our strategies will be useful for some of of them.
Our story in a nutshell…
Let me brief my relationship for you to get a context. We are a Sri Lankan couple who were friends since school time. Later, with the understanding of life and its practicality, we decided to become lovers to have each other for the rest of our lives. Somehow, we couldn’t get much time for dating as he got a chance to work overseas. Before marriage, departing with him was not on the table. So, I had to wait until we marry.
We knew that our relationship was going through a challenging phase. But that opportunity was something to consider. As a girlfriend, I needed to be supportive of him.
After he left, both of us were suffering from negative stress as we were attached as best friends. Not only the partner, but we have also lost our best friend. I was gloomy and moody with society. Fortunately, my beloved family took care of me and was patient with me. Also, I had amazing work friends who understood me. They helped me a lot to make my mind.
Similarly, my husband got the same stress as he needed to adjust to the new conditions, had to find a place to live, face cultural shock and learn new things in his new job. Hence, it was a hard time for him as well.
To end this hard time, we decided to marry soon. But, planning a wedding was another stress we put into the scene. But it was an essential thing for us. However, the long-distance relationship along with cultural wedding planning was a lot of pressure. Pressuring more, we had to postpone our wedding due to pandemic. Changing plans, fear of getting infected, adhering to ad-hoc situations, curfews, considering safety rules before anything else, etc was hard for me to do with this long-distance relationship.
Anyway, we took this challenge as a “do or die” and we wanted to bring this love story to a nice destination. We promised each other that there is no turning back. From our story, we believe that you can improve the way you handle the relationship at least by 1%. Both of us love to see when a distanced couple is balancing everything better than us.
Strategies to the challenges…
1. Missing each other — Not like other couples, distanced couples rarely meet, hold hands, or date like normal people. They are all alone in society and it is really hard to suppress their emotions.
As a solution, we started talking more often. We went shopping by having each other on a video call. We always updated what were we doing at those times. He was only one call away from me. He was always there and I was there for him. Also, we promised each other how hard we would celebrate our love once we get back.
In one word, the strategy was “HOPE”.
2. Not being able to celebrate birthdays, parties, weddings, new year, etc together — Any couple dreams to celebrate their special events with their partner. But, that chance is not there for a long-distance couple. Other than worrying, we decided to celebrate our love from distance.
As a solution, we exchanged gifts through online shops, edited loving videos and pictures more often, and surprised each other on random days. Not only that, we were celebrating virtually. We did not hesitate to have romance over the phone. We loved at our best. What we thought was “something is better than nothing”.
In one word, the strategy was “EFFORT”. We prioritized each other, always!
3. Not physically available in emergencies — There were some situations that we wanted to be physically available for each other. There were many situations we felt helpless, hopeless, and lost. Especially, when we got sick and when we had a bad day. This was the hardest challenge that tested your highest patience. We had to have so much understanding about the reality.
As the solution, we counted the days that we are getting back together.
In one word, the strategy was “PATIENCE”.
4. Get unnecessary attention from society — There are some people in society, who are trying to manipulate these distanced couples. Both of us maintained a high level of loyalty and respect for each other. We have openly communicated everything and didn’t have secrets. We made sure that we never have hidden agendas against us.
Not only that, some people with venomous attitudes may try to put negative thoughts in your head. They will try to break you. Hence, be very smart when dealing with people.
Therefore, nobody could catch us or invade our circle. In one word, the strategy was “LOYALTY”.
5. Delayed Visits — In the first year of his departure, he could visit me once every four months. Although he stayed in the country for only one week, it was a huge relief for both of us. But, after the pandemic, there were travel barriers. He couldn’t visit me for nearly a year. We had to adjust to these problems rather than be stressed. With the support of family and friends, we could able to pass that phase.
In one word, the strategy was “Flexibility”.
“We were together even when we were apart.”- Shannon A. Thompson
Today…
After having a hard time, here we are, taking our relationship to a nice destination. We had a simple wedding. Also, got the approval for my visa. Now it is nearly a year we enjoy every single day. There is not a single day that we regret marrying us. Often, we tell each other “our hard work paid off”.
Since the day we started living together, on our own, we did not want to miss a single day without a memory. Hence, we started our project to have our photo diary as “our first 365 days”. We had one special picture for one day. When we go through that photo diary, we can remember each and everything that happened in our first year. This is one of the sweetest things any couple can do.
“Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.”-Thomas Fuller
Silver lines of Long Distance Relationship…
Looking back on this challenging time, we think that we were examined to test our love. We are proud that we got through.
“Long-distance relationships are hard, but they’re also incredible. If you can love, trust, respect, and support each other from a distance then you’ll be unstoppable once you’re physically together.”
(unknown)
As all things happen for a good reason, there are benefits of facing this kind of a distanced relationship. Following are the good things in a long-distance relationship.
- You know the difficulty of not having each other. Hence you do not take yourselves for granted. It drives you to keep this love alive.
- You can spend some private time before getting back together. You have time to update and upgrade yourself.
- You will learn how to do things alone. You can learn to be independent and support your partner later.
- You will develop a high level of patience for this relationship before you marry. Communication, understanding, trust, and respect will be fine-tuned.
- Your relationship will not be boring. You will learn new ways of expressing love for each other. To maintain the love from a distance, you have been creative. When you got through, still you can apply this creativity.
- You will know that this relationship is serious for you. You will know that the relationship is strong to get through this test.
- You will drive this with love; not with lust. You will know it is not just an attraction.
- You will start appreciating tiny little things in your relationship. You will feel that you are grateful.
- You will learn to sacrifice things in your life. You will learn to let go of the things you love most. Then, your life will become more spiritual.
- Long-distance relationship is very easier now than in the past. My parents were distanced after they were married with two kids. It was in the 1980s. They communicated through letters only. They did not see each other for a long time. We are luckier because of the development of technology.
“Distance between two people is inconsequential when their souls are united.”- Matshona Dhliwayo
A piece of advice for society…
Finally, I would like to give some advice to the people who are around this kind of couples. Although you are not facing these challenges, try to wear their shoes. Always maintain empathy for long distance couples. Especially, the family members, relatives, co-workers, and friends should look after these people because they may be ended up with depression or any other mental disorder. As responsible people, have patience and be optimistic about them. And, don’t try to feed negativity to their minds. It can harm them.
Summary
All you need is hope, effort, patience, loyalty, and flexibility to protect this love. Once you have amazing protection, you can enjoy the benefits this has.
Finally, be wise and be mature to protect your relationship no matter what. Practice feeling your love for them when they are not around. Always have blessings for each other.
Someday, you will have a great story to share with your grandkids. So do your best!
“When your absence is felt, your presence is the essence and it makes a difference.”- Michael Bassey Johnson
