Check This Out If You Want to Change Your Attachment Style
Understanding the origins of the attachment theory
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Imagine you are a toddler in a room full of toys with your mom.
You’d never been here before. You’re a bit intimidated by the new environment. But it’s fine: mom is here. You grab her as close as you can.
Only after a moment, you start looking around. Oh dear God, everything is so colorful! You’ve never seen so many toys in your life.
After settling, you get familiar with the room. What do you do? You are still a bit shy. But these toys are just so inviting.
So you finally collect your courage to take that first step away. You approach the nearest toy. A green ball! Beautiful. You touch it, rolling it a bit. Meh, it’s the same as the other 10 balls at home. There are so many other things out there. Do you go further?
Still uncertain, you glance at your mom, expecting a nod or smile for encouragement. She is so beautiful when she does that.
But she’s not looking at you now. A stranger had joined you in the room and is talking to her.
Finally, they’re done talking. They are both looking at you now. The stranger approaches you and wants to play.
What do you do?
After a while, mom stands up. WAIT, IS SHE LEAVING YOU?
Seconds of panicking. Yes, she is leaving the room! Now only the stranger is here, looking at you and smiling.
What do you do?
She’s been away just a few minutes, but it felt so long. Finally, she returns and comforts you. The stranger leaves the room.
What do you do?
She stays with you for a while until you calm down (or not). You may have been crying desperately the whole time, or you may have picked up exploring the room.
After a bit, she leaves you again. There’s no one else in the room with you this time.
What do you do?
You’ve just taken part in the Strange Situation Test. The developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth invented it in the 1970s. The test was used to assess children’s attachment to…
