If I do not write for recognition, then why I write

I have always been a great fan of George Orwell writing style. He had a very simple, clear but elegant way of forming sentences after sentences that never fails to impress as well as astonish the readers. He simply writes to express in a logical and precise manner that looks so easy, and natural flow of words in his fiction and nonfiction writing is simply mind-blowing. After reading the works of George Orwell, I felt like he was the most natural, gifted writer to whom beautiful words and sentences flowed like water pours into the streams.

But this is what the writer said about his own writing:

“Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.”
 — George Orwell.

I, usually, never used to believe that a writer, especially the great ones, work very hard on their literary works to make it seem easy and natural for the readers. I felt that writing style and writing, in general, is quite easy and natural for a writer for the fact they are simply writers, and writing is the gift of God.

Being myself a bad writer, it became easy and convenient for me to give this explanation to myself whenever I wanted to write. This became my protective shell and excuse for not writing even if I wanted to write badly to express my soul. Even if I wrote something, and it became difficult for me to go on and complete it (and such happens quite frequently, believe me), I just forget about my unfinished work and do not bother myself anymore. The self-induced believe that I am not gifted enough to write like my favorite writers (Orwell, Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Dostoevsky, etc), even did not let me try.

But I realized one thing, after reading a lot of books on writing and my personal experience, that in order to write, you just have to write. There is no secret way to do it, nor a method, nor technique. You just have to try to write and express your soul; it is this demon, the demon to share your soul through your written work that actually inspire and help you to write. The great writers known for their writing style have really worked hard to shape and improve it over time. Writing is difficult; it has always been so for all, even for the greatest guys I have already mentioned above. If you do not believe, check out what such guys said about writing, please, do it now, in this instant. Do yourself a favor if you ever want or wanted to write.

Writing is difficult and the loneliest activity ever. Appropriate words are more difficult to catch than the butterfly in the garden but, believe me, the effort is as romantic and beautiful , nevertheless. Weaving sentence after sentences, in a beautiful way, takes great time, patience and love from the writer’s part. Writing is like the jealous mistress who is forever insatiable for love and effort of trying to woo her, and one has to try forever.

“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.”
 — Ernest Hemingway

Sometimes I think why I care to express, why I bother to write, and all sorts of things that I consider roots of such desire of writing. But I find no answer. Logical reasons that were given by Orwell in his easy on ‘Why I Write’ — sheer egoism, aesthetic enthusiasm, historical impulse and political purpose — even does not satisfy me. But, however, I want to abandon the idea of writing and becoming a writer. I dread writing but I am hopelessly in love with it. I cannot help it, which I understand, not unless I am empty without soul and have nothing to share with mankind anymore. But, until then, I would try to write more often and see how it works out.