I Stand with Survivors
Sexual predators will never fully understand how they have hurt the people that they have committed actions against. I know this from personal experience. Post being stalked, sexually harassed, and sexually assaulted, I had a hearing at my school against my perpetrator where he was found responsible for all of the charges.
In his appeal, he wrote: “… to say that I do not understand the impact of my actions is definitely not true; I 100% understand my impact and how what occurred made the complainant feel; however, it was not until the hearing that I truly understood the extent to which she has been affected.”
The issue with the above is that… he appealed. He appealed, according to his letter, because he felt that being forced to leave his co-op and being barred from taking classes for 8 months would be “incredibly hurtful.” He felt that the punishment was too much. And above all, though he claimed he understood the impact of his actions on me, he admitted that “… it was not until the hearing that I truly understood the extent to which she has been affected.” This indicates that not only did he not understand that he was hurting me, but he didn’t even understand that what he’d done was wrong. He never once admitted that his actions were wrong.
However, there were people that were still willing to support him — even after the letter came it saying that he was responsible for all of the charges that the University felt were appropriate (stalking, sexual harassment, and sexual assault). Below are some excerpts from their letters.
“… I also feel I have to mention my personal interactions with him as a young woman. I have never felt unsafe or disrespected by him.”
“It is my personal belief that he intended no harm.”
“[Name removed] is tightly woven into the Northeastern curriculum and a punishment that greatly affects his academics would be an enormous, unfortunate setback.”
“We respectfully ask that you reconsider the sanction of suspension for this caring, considerate, and empathetic young man who fully realizes his mistakes with reference to his situation.”
Take these how you will, but to me I was shown that people are very quick to call assault a mistake, very nervous about harming the perpetrator, and very comfortable with the assailant as long as he (or she) has done nothing personally to them.
However, beyond that, these letters demonstrated that there will always be someone who will admire, respect, and/or protect you, regardless of how heinous your actions are. If this isn’t being shown in the Kavanaugh case right now, I don’t know what is. I have so much respect for all survivors right now- from Dr. Ford to the people I’ve never even met that are struggling to get through their day as they hear more and more about her testimony.
