If I Were to Join a Beauty Pageant
A satirical speech
In the light of the ongoing search for the most beautiful and most intelligent woman in our country, here’s my unwanted speech entry.
I tried to be low-key but because of my self-importance and reverence for my genetic advantage over other women, I’d like to announce publicly that I am joining our local pageantry.
I would give my all to win so that I can join Miss Universe and show the world that I represent how most women in my country look like and that we are the best female species.
I am a strong, independent, beautiful and competitive woman who likes to be pitted against other women and claim victory.
I am not my face nor my body. I am a woman with substance. As such I am joining the pageantry to have a bigger platform to show my good works and how cool I am as a person because I can not sit still and just bottle up my awesomeness.
I also intend to inspire and uplift the spirit of my fellow citizens, especially women — and help them realize that we can stand out and be proud of who we are as long as there are judges who can validate that we are “beauty and brains”.
Lastly, I want to foster solidarity in my highly divided country (like how my country’s islands are divided geographically) even just for a few days — because I know so well how hyped up my fellowmen get when they see one of us competing and winning internationally. We honor tribalism greatly.
I hope you can support me in my journey!
To all women:
May we let the vastness of this world be our stage and dare to spread our truths with our voice without allowing other people to approve us first to do so.
May we be proud of who we are even without a crown and be amazing wherever we are.